Internet Dream

I was twelve when I first got a computer – a second-hand windows 98 handed down from my eldest sister. We didn’t get the internet until I was fourteen and even then it was on dial-up. Vigourously slow but it did the job. It was only supposed to be for research for school projects but soon became the door to the big world. My first real social media page became Bebo – most teenagers in my country (New Zealand) used this platform before we grew up and shut down our accounts to join Facebook. I think I joined too late to have crazy statuses to look back on as memories. I posted all my outings with friends and that was it.

I found open diary when I was fifteen. I would sit in the family room in front of the bulky screen. I would also be chatting to people from school on MSN. Conversations that we didn’t get time to finish during our day, gossip. Most importantly talking to boys. Oh the boys. Everything had a big rush of emotion attached to it. Maybe I consider this the highlight of my internet days – illegally downloading emo/ pop/ punk songs. Listening to Something Corporate wishing my life was an American Dream like in One Tree Hill or Gilmore Girls. I would obsess over reading other peoples open diaries – American ones. It was such a world away.

A few years later we would be talking to strangers over Omegle. This was where I learned to flirt and to actually have conversations with people. Another this that followed in 2009 was posting to Tumblr. This was my safe haven. A release. I would jot down every thought and post every selfie.

Then I grew up. I have longed for some space to write  for the last five years – too old for Tumblr, too self-conscious for Facebook, Instagram has done a great job but I find it’s more about the breath-taking picture than the caption and it will get lost in the abyss of adverts, influencers and flawless bodies and perfect lives.

Now we are back here, Open Diary. Please stick around.