Here are some highlights of today

My one brother said he was in a good mood, and was clearly happy. Living the days moments on a positive, peaceful wavelength. I hate the term “rose colored glasses” because it’s mean. It’s demeaning to the people who have suffered so harshly yet have worked SO HARD to learn that reality is purely your perception. That when you learn to alter your perception you learn to alter your reality and when you learn to alter your reality you learn to enjoy your life. It makes me so happy to see my brother happy. For so long he was so miserable and mean. A part of me died when I watched the person I idolized disintegrate into a monster. Those rose colored glasses? Keep them on. Strut around through life like every day is damn fashion week. Because you deserve recovery.  You deserve to appreciate, to love your life.

He brought us groceries. It was funny. He texted me the day before to have a grill out. Then he shows up today with the food and was like here you go. I’m like what. He’s like yeah, you have a grill right? I told him yes, I have a grill but I’ve never grilled anything in my life (it was mom’s grill). He said well I haven’t either (he’s a 40 year old man). I told him he was the one who brought it up so I assumed he was doing it. He said, “Well I’m holding your baby.” Which he was. Haha. Our moms boyfriend who was starving from working all day chimed in, “I’ll grill it!”

it felt like a sitcom.

My brother took my children and his teens outside to light small fireworks while I boiled sweet corn. Through the window I watched my autistic son cling and bond with his uncle. I watched my older son who doesn’t have a dad, because that dad beat the shit out of me, jump in excitement, rejoice in the experience of the quenched thirst for male companionship. I felt whole. They felt they were whole.