August

I went out last night with some mom friends.
it’s crazy how desperate I am to have my own life back but then remember how exhausted social interaction leaves me. My one friend made the same comment multiple times about this is what it’s like to be your thirties. Tired. A larger hangover for half the amount of alcohol you drank 10 years ago. That great restraunt food running straight through you. Comments I hear from all kinds of people often, even before I was this age. The ironic thing is I always felt this way. One of the many reasons I never stuck it out with college was because I didn’t understand how people my age could work, go to school and have a social life. I became so drained so easily- all I wanted to do was sit in my room and walk my dog when I wasn’t slinging lattes at the coffee shop full time for minimum wage. Having 2 days off a week never felt like enough to recharge, let alone waste one of those days on going out. I often still would, but would shut down for three days after.

im flying out for my friends wedding in less than a week. I didn’t even realize that it was this soon. In my head it was 10 days away but it’s 5. I drove up to the dress shop and found one for $85. I picked out, but I still hate the way I look in it. I don’t feel pretty. All I can think about is how fat and washed up I’m going to look in her wedding photos.

i have an entire list of things to do tomorrow that are importsnt but I know I won’t even know where or how to start in the morning. All I’ll want to do is rest. Rest up knowing I’m going out of state in a few days. I’m worried about daycare for baby.