I just snapped

I haven’t discussed this much with anyone beside the shrink that I gained after it happened. I figured it feels right to start talking about it.

In June I found out that my sister was trying to get both my kids and my only grandson to move away with her and her family. My kids were all gung-ho about their Aunt’s idea.  That is when I snapped…

Up until this point I had a really good relationship with my oldest dd and grandson and had an ok relationship with youngest dd.

It triggered my PTSD from losing custody of my children years ago. I was feeling everything that I felt back when it happened. Hurt, Anger, Greif, Loss, and Confusion. I took all of my blood pressure medication and waited 30 minutes to text I love you to each of my loved ones. Obviously they got me to the hospital in time. I didn’t think they could reverse my BP medications but an hour is the point where it is too late.

My now shrink let me out the next day with the stipulation that I had to start seeing him within 2 day.

The day I get home from the hospital my sister came over and felt that “I needed to hear all the bad things my kids have been saying about me”. I went to them with what she said and it was part true and part not or part exaggerated. I was heartbroken.

My shrink thinks that sister has some sort of jealousy or resentment toward me and that is why she got this ball rolling. He said that nieces talk to their aunts, that is normal, however it is not normal for the aunt to come rub things they say to her into the mother’s face, especially not the day after she tries to kill herself.
I did have a better relationship with my girls than she has with most of her kids and her family is blown up at the time and still is. I can think of things from our childhood she may resent me for, like leaving her with an abusive mom but I was 15 when I left, I couldn’t take her. After long thought and conversations with my husband and my best friend. I believe the shrink is right.

At the time my shrink told me not to confront the sister as he didn’t feel I was strong enough to deal with it. Now he says that she needs to know that she could lose my relationship if she takes my family away from me. But I’ve been pretending that all is fine for months now, how am I supposed to bring up my hurt and anger towards her and her husband now. I feel like that discussion window has closed.

I really like my shrink. He did put me on medication and it really helps with the negative thoughts. The suicidal thoughts are completely gone. I’d had suicidal thoughts before but had never actually snapped and did it.

My youngest moved to Florida a few months later. We discussed it and I gave her my blessing. Once she got to Florida our relationship got rocky as she decided she wasn’t going to talk to me anymore. She has come around some and talks to be occasionally. Usually when she needs money or is sending money to me for her car insurance.

My oldest and I have a hot and cold relationship. Sometimes it is the way it was before I snapped and other times she is cold and stand offish. Grandson is over all the time, they live right next door. For awhile she was keeping grandson from me as a punishment but then after a couple weeks she started letting him come over some, now he comes over a lot. I am hopeful that my relationship with her will mend with time and be just as good if not better than it was before.

I guess this is the best place to stop.