well well well

for a moment there i thought chris was mad at me. but he didnt seem to be when he talked to me in the hall today. so goodie for me! its so hard for me to talk to him. i’m so stupid cuz it really shouldnt be. not at this point. i’m just a loser with feelings for my ex and semi best bud. hmmm… oh chris…all my friends get mad if i mention that i still like him. but whatever i dont care. i cant help it. hmmmm….but he made me feel so bad the other day. but as with all things i got over it and apparently he did to. i wish me and him were really close like…y’kno…

i want a significant other!!

jt asked me today why i said no a few weeks ago and i told him why. then he asked if there was still a chance. i sez to him i sez,”sure but your gonna havta wow me” and he goes oh sure dont worry, i’ll definitely wow you. and i dont kno whether or not to take that seriously. but if he does ask me again i still dont kno whether or not i like him like that. i kinda do but i kinda dont. its weird. oh no!! what will i say?!?!

and plus me being all hung over chris like i am, its a potential problem. but nevertheless i need to get over him(i havent told myself this enuf; i simply cant, i’m love with the kid) and quit bailing on others for that reason. if only i could meet another spencer!!

he kinda looked like the lead vocalist of mcr only much much hotter!

about school again. two of my friends almost got in a fight. it was over something stupid. jasmine and matt were arguing and then sean tried to ask what was wrong. then ronald kinda pushed him and told him to layoff. well when ronald pushed him sean got pissed and pushed him back saying, “dont fuckin touch me!”. y’kno. guys. well they started doing the usual lil dance where they stare each other in the eye and wait for the first punch. once everyone else in our happy lil group saw this goin on like three of the guys broke it all up before it started. *goodie. then later they tried to go at it again but again the other guys came to the rescue.

after lunch i had a lil talk with sean about the whole situation. i pretty much told him to cool down and to try and forget the whole thing cuz it was really stupid in the first place. he told me that he had been goin thru alot with his dad getting really sick and his sister being taken for foster care err something. i felt really bad for him and then went on to tell him to try not to think bout it so much at school cuz it would only get him in trouble and make his whole situation worse. we hugged and split for class after that. i think i got thru to him cuz after class i caught up with him again and he was in a much better mood. yay.

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i hate coming home (if thats what i should be calling this place even tho it is not our own). i wish sometimes i could just chill elsewhere forever. i hate coming here and doing nothing at all. especially when i’m just left here all alone and i’m not allowed to leave so i end up just here by myself and just going crazy!! i hate it!! all alone… i could be cookin up something devious and possibly evil…

but no!!! no one would care to realize. oh well….so here i go. back to my lonely place. see you guys later.