feelings contained

why is the school so hasty to blame its students? i needed help and asked a question. all i got (literally) was “oh well its your fault”. whether it be my fault or not i’m asking for fucking help. so i persist on just some humble advice and again, “really? well your just another one.” Another one? what the fuck? they looked at me like i was some stupid child. like i was just one of the many students and ditch school are failing and run away from home cuz theyre pregnant. i’m not one of them. how dare you make an assumption as to what i am and what i’m feeling. i’m not fucking stupid. i’ve thought through my actions and taken a course that is necessary for my well being. they looked again as if i was a poor silly child that just drinks and parties their weekends away. i fucking wish. but no. i have made PERFECT grades and attended EVERY fucking day of class. no no no. still they will not accept their own mistake. i told her. its YOUR fucking fault. she just snickered with that devious smile and said, “go ahead and point fingers. its still not our responsiblility”. what to do now. oh i know give them a solution. what?! no no no. they dont want that. yet again they stared at me like i was silly and fucking academically retarded. “no one does that anymore” no shit einstein. no one is going through my fuckin problems! i looked at her and just wanted to gut her head out. remove her brain and shove it in her face. screaming on the inside saying “THIS IS WHATS USELESS. THIS IS A FAILURE. THIS NEEDS NO RECOGNITION.” i wanted to blow a hole through the wall and throw her lifeless body out to rot in the very school she defends for really no reason. she sparked something. the fool wont help.

all i wanted was help. just that. i did not go to be judged. no. especially as unfairly as she judged me. i’m trying to make things right. its just so hard. i’m not one of them. i’ve struggled for so long not to be. i’m not. i think. this is so unfair. looking through everyones mistakes and someone’s was inflicted upon me. and i’m the only one that hurts.

i only wanted help. can that wretch not spare me a few moments of positivity? let me know things can change that things are ok or at least will be. why is her only intent to crush me. she doesnt even know me! kindness is lost in her eyes. is it not her but the mentality that might have been forced upon her? should i be so angry? i’m only trying to make things right. why couldnt she just see that? her insensitivity her ruthlessness. she is a dark hand.

i fucking hate her.