bring on spring break

well today was the official last day of school before spring break. what do we have planned to do for the next week? hmmm….well in short…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! but thats okay. it only presents me with a challenge. the challenge of finding something to do all on my own. i’m trying to get my little big butt to jacksonville so that i’ll be with my cousins and maybe they’ll figure out the rest for me. so far i still dont have a means of getting there but with my cunning form of persuasion i’m sure i’ll get one. most of my friends are going to the beach (either cocoa or daytona err something). then others are going to new york (of course) and all over the place. so no one is really staying here. poopie for me. if i get to jax i wanna go to the beach there but only at sunset and all thru the night. i dont like the beach during the day for some reason. i just dont. but at night its the best thing in the world for me. i love it then…

also if i get there i wanna play video games like crazy. day and night for the time i spent there. just like old times with the guys and me. i wanna play against them in any multiplayer game. especially halo. i wanna finally prove to them over there that i can actually play and that i got really good while i’ve been gone. oh to get sweet revenge would be amazing! i can taste it already.

it would be awesome. but what if i dont make it. nevermind. i’m sure i can do it. its gonna suck if i havta stay here all alone during spring break of all times. how horrible that would be. but no i’ll keep high hopes and maybe theyll pull thru for me.

i talked to my lil brother last night. i miss him so much. we talked forever about him playing fatal frame 2. of course i beat the first one and i stopped playing fatal frame 2 in the eighth chapter. we talked forever about it. fatal frame is one of the most under-rated games out there. its scary as hell really. not the first as much as the second. i could barely ever play the game by myself. and danny was on phone telling me that he was alone in the house and that i’d better not hang up til he finished playing and found something happy to occupy his mind. its really that scary. so addictive.

i cant wait til i see him again in the summer. i miss messing with my lil brother and all the trouble we’d get into. he was and is my irreplacable partner in crime and mischeif. hee. good times…but there’s no one anymore to help me plot my evil lil pranks and theyre not nearly as much fun to pull then when he’s around. its been so lonely (and boring) without him.

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at school jt was kinda smothering me. if he asks me out now i think i am going to say no. really i dont actually wanna be with him. it’d be too weird of a relationship. and plus i’m not even that comfortable around the guy. i’m begining to become less and less atracted to him as the days go by. after talkin to him too i see this other side to him which is just not too great and it bothers me sometimes. he’s just not what i need right now. i guess. but i kno once i tell him he’s gonna hate me and not even talk to me. oh well if that happens. he should see that he’s just smothering me too much.

well besides that at skool, lately i’ve been really depressed. i dont kno exactly why but its mainly just me sittin there and all of a sudden i start to think bout lots of stuff and it just really depresses me. and the thing is that i hide all of this and no one can see it. so it tears at me. i end up feeling like i’m not even really noticed at skool. no one really actually notices me. if i’m there or not it really doesnt matter to anybody. i thought once that i actually meant something to some of these people but no. i dont and i’m having trouble accepting that. it sucks that i realize this. i just feel like in a crowd of people i’m just there and there’s nothing too special bout it. i’m just there…

well thats it for today. thats enuf crying and complaining for me. i might write more later. but for now i have to get to finding that ride to jax. wish me luck err else imma spend all of spring break rotting in this place all alone. lets hope that doesnt happen..