I have no memory of this place

Last night I went looking for an old friend with whom I used to speak on Facebook.  His long abandoned profile says he moved on to Prosebox so I went there to look for him.

I did a search and found one person with his user name, but discovered I had to create an account to leave a note.  So I attempted to do so, only to discover I already had one.  “Strange”, I thought, “I must have tried doing this search before or something”.

So I managed to log in and left a note saying “hey did you know about OD” blah blah and sent it.

Then I noticed I had a tab with a pending note and opened it.  The note had nothing to do with the person but it did reveal that I had a lengthy record of conversations on this account.  In fact, I have three months worth of entries on this site with notes from several people I know, involving conversations I was having at that time.

And I have no memory of it.

The ECT ate holes in my memory, so many holes that I am finding out about new things every month.  I’ll find a note, or an email, or – like this – a social media account, and have no memory of the things contained therein.

Apparently, I had a fight with this guy.  Apparently, we’re not even friends anymore.  Who’d have known?  Everyone but me, apparently.

I have forgotten holidays, people, hobbies that I spent months or years involved with.  It’s like someone took a tractor and plowed furrows through my mind.

If you’re ever in a position to get ECT, or know someone who is, I counsel serious caution.  It may help some people but the rest it just harms. (amusingly, I found an old post wherein I recount how the doctor told me – only after the process was completed and I’d been receiving the procedure for months – that she never expected it to work.)