Wow this one wasn’t about the bar exam

Sometimes I feel like I see the world more clearly than others. I used to think I was more intelligent than others, but that’s not true in the slightest.

I was born in a foreign country to immigrant parents. I was taught to keep secrets at young age. I was the backbone. I held my family together. I became what people needed me to be. And growing up, my parents didn’t understand my needs, so I learned to hide it from them. I read people easily. Not all people, obviously. But I pay attention to mannerisms, a person’s eye contact, body language, voice. And while I’m watching, I’m methodically controlling mine. How I’m sitting, where I’m looking. English is my second my language (I speak 4) and growing up I would have to think of the sentence before I said it, to make sure it was in the correct language, that it was portraying what I meant. After I perfected that, I never dropped the habit. I think carefully before I speak, and I change the structure of sentences. I edit them in my mind until they’re perfect, then I focus on the speed.

My favorite thing about creative writing is sentence structure: throw in a long sentence–with lots of punctuation–and the reader spends a lot of time on it (dissecting it, whether she means to or does so subconsciously). Follow that long sentence with short ones. Speed up the pace. Run through the story. Or, instead… Use short ones. To slow down. Your curious reader. And throw in a fragment. Or some other grammatical error. To really drive your point home. Now do this, with a plot so juicy that makes it nearly impossibly for the reader to peel her eyes from the story. If the plot’s good enough, the reader will read it like you intended.

I do that with my voice. With my body.

I don’t tell anyone I do this. I’m afraid it’ll sound manipulative. But that’s really not it at all. I’m not trying to be manipulative. Every person has a story. And some are less self-aware. But their stories are the reasons they speak a certain way. Think a certain way. Hold that controversial opinion you just can’t get behind.

I want to learn from that person. Challenge my own beliefs. Become more self-aware. And maybe, just maybe, help a lost soul find his way too.

Edited to add just a tiny bit more because the realization came to me after I posted. It’s more than helping someone, more than self-growth. It’s truly getting to a know a person. Wholly, absolutely, and unselfishly, understanding another human being.