Trying to motivate myself.

I’ve been really down for a while. It just felt unshakeable… everything felt pointless. I could lie in bed all day if I wanted to. On Friday I let out all of my tears. Just let myself feel all of the pain and everything that’s pushing me down. I seem to operate between too much emotion and no emotion at all. Sometimes, I can’t feel anything, no matter how much I want to,,  how much I beg to. Other times, I feel too much, more emotions than I can handle and its crippling and I push them all away til I’m back to the numbness.

Saturday and Sunday I got a bunch of work done that I’ve been putting off. And I remembered this funny trick life does. Sometimes there’s no time  in a day, and sometimes there’s so much.

There are days where I wake up, sit on my couch, watch tv, finish a season or two of a new show, and then go to bed. There are days when I can finish all my work, clean my entire house, do all of the laundry, and hang out with people.

Sooooo. I’m consciously choosing to busy up my days. Today, I’m meal prepping, making Husband lunch and dinner, going into the office (I can work remotely), finishing a project and accepting two more, and then going to the gym. I need to motivate myself to get stuff done so I can forget about the sad feelings and create new happy feelings.