Hello there!

I’ve been MIA for about two weeks now. It wasn’t purposeful. I’ve been extremely stressed out from my bar prepping and I haven’t been finishing my class until super late. I also did way below average on my first practice test anddddd one topic put me about 10 days behind schedule. My neck is so strained from studying I can barely turn my head to the left. Passing this stupid test is going to be soooooo hard.

My Colorado friends are visiting me the day after the bar exam (they all took it in July), so at least that’s something to look forward to. My husband picked up a second job. The extra money will be helpful but its mainly just to get him out of the house. He works from home and finishes work at 4. He doesn’t make any noise or anything because he knows I’m studying, but I’ve been on edge lately and seeing him trying to stay quiet makes me feel guilty. He also hates watching me cry at my lectures and tries to help but I don’t want his help, I just want to cry it out myself, not hear his solutions of waking up earlier or changing where I’m sitting or whatever else he suggests. Not because his suggestions are bad, just because when I don’t understand a topic nothing he says will make me feel better. I just need to cry it out and call my friends and struggle through until I get it. I feel bad for being so upset lately, but I also feel like I can’t control my emotions right now. He gets it. That’s why he got the other job.

I don’t get why the bar requires us to memorize everything. We didn’t have to memorize shit in law school. We make our outlines and use that on the exams. Attorneys don’t even have to have everything memorized. I worked as a student attorney for the public defender’s office. I had my own clients. I did consultations alone with them. If they asked me a question I wasn’t sure about I’d tell them I’m not sure, that I’d have to look up the relevant law and then when they left I’d do some research and call them and explain everything to them. Of course I have a base understanding of everything going on, and I did research about the case before I met with my clients, but we can’t be expected to know every single law in the world. Plus the bar (the UBE) is all about federal law. When I practice, I’m going to have to look up the state laws anyway. Why can’t we just use notes? Because they want to torture us? Law school was already its kind of torture.

I don’t even know what I’m going to do if I don’t pass this test.

Anyways, I’m still alive. Struggling through 2021.

SorryForThePointlessnessOfMyReturnDiary