Dead mouse story

I am freaking out.. I don’t even know if I want to write this down because I definitely don’t want to remember it.

My parents have a cabin in the woods, and I used to go with them all the time. It’s very relaxing, and usually when I go there, I don’t want to leave. I haven’t been since I was pregnant. I’ve been so tired lately, and Husband has been working so much lately they we both wanted to go for the long weekend. My parents have been there since yesterday. Great, they can help with BabyBoy and we can relax!

There are a few issues. The road to the cabin gives me horrible anxiety. I’m in a huge panic from when we leave until we park at the cabin. Also, BabyBoy has never spent a night in a different place. He’s 4 1/2 months now and he’s sleeping 10 hours straight a night. BUT we have a very specific bedtime routine that we do every night. Another issue is my breastfeeding, but that deserves its own diary entry, honestly. This shit is hard. But basically I have ti figure out how many bottles to bring, when to pump, etc. it’s just stressful, and I’m struggling to leave the house because of it.

Anyway, we decide we’re going to go to the cabin. We spent hours this morning packing everything, including a portable bassinet. In fact, we spent so much time packing, we didn’t eat anything.

The drive there wasn’t as bad. BabyBoy slept the whole way, and there wasn’t any traffic and Husband drove slow to keep me from panicking. When we got there, we were both starving. Husband is on a special diet this month, so while he was unpacking and setting up the bassinet, I made him food. I ended up just snacking because my parents were going to make food for everyone. BabyBoy got hungry, and I decided that instead of using a bottle, I’ll breastfeed so I can save the bottles for night time.
When I breastfeed, I use my pregnancy body pillow. I wrap it around my waist and place BabyBoy on it. The room we were in has a king bed a bunch of huge decorative pillows. So I threw a large heavy pillow onto the middle of the bed and put my body pillow on my side of the bed and breastfed for around 30 minutes. BabyBoy fell asleep on the boob and I tried to put him in his bassinet but he immediately woke up.
I gave him to Husband, who laid on my side of the bed with BabyBoy on his chest and patted him for around 30 minutes. We tried to put him in the bassinet and again he immediately woke up. At this point my poor boy was so sleepy. So I put him back on the boob (in the same place on the bed), and let him eat until he slept and then I left him there on me for almost an hour. I tried to get up to put him in the bassinet but he started stirring so I decided to put him down on the bed instead. It took another 30 minutes of soothing him to get him in a good position, with the body pillow wrapped around him (I’m doing this all in a dark room, by the way). I decided I wanted to set up the baby monitor, so I pick up the big heavy pillow they I originally threw in the middle of the bed and put it on the head of the bed so I can angle the camera on it. Finally, he’s asleep… and he sleeps for about 45 minutes before he wakes up crying and Husband goes into the room to bring him out to us.

Now is the part I’m freaking out about. A few hours later I’m ready to put BabyBoy to bed, so I take him into the room and lay him down on the bed, the same place he was sleeping… AND THERES A DEAD MOUSE RIGHT BEHIND HIS HEAD!

I screamed grabbed him and ran out so fast I didn’t even know if the mouse was dead or not. Husband and Dad said the mouse was dead for awhile. Our theory is that the mouse was already dead on the bed, and when I went in the room, I threw the big heavy pillow on top of the dead mouse, and then I moved the pillow in the dark and didn’t see the mouse.

We’re on our way home right now. I couldn’t stay the night. I’m so upset. I can’t believe I let my baby sleep next to a dead mouse. I’m so scared he caught some sort of disease from it.

Im upset. Im so upset. I had to leave. I couldn’t stay. Even staying in a different room I’m just so worried. My poor baby boy. Im so sorry BabyBoy, Im so sorry.