A reflection of 2020

This year has been truly horrible. So many lives lost, so much pain and suffering, so much fear.

But it doesn’t come without its joys and accomplishments. Here are some things that have happened, and some things I learned.

This year I got married, graduated law school, moved, deferred the bar, started studying for the bar. I’ve gotten some extra time to spend with my family, my husband got his dream job, and got to work from home. I’m so blessed to have someone so caring and kind, someone who loves me so deeply and understands me so fully.

I learned that I’m human. And that’s funny thing to say but in a sense it’s true. I learned that I’m allowed to express my feelings and my thoughts, and that my voice has value. But more-so, that I have feelings and emotions. I’ve always pushed aside all my trauma, and felt like I could get rid of the past without having to look back. I’m learning that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my past, or the emotions that come with remembering it. And in exposing parts of myself… to myself… I’m learning to love myself.

This year, I learned that I don’t have to go through life alone. That I can wake my husband up in the middle of the night if I’m having a panic attack. That I can call my friends when I’m feeling overwhelmed. That it’s okay to show people I’m not put together. This year I’ve found many broken parts of myself, and I found that self-reflection can lead to growth, and that I can put myself back together instead of living in the brokenness.

I’m opening up more. And I’m learning to be vulnerable.