Mercy Street

If I were to pray, I would pray to Anne.
Maybe Sylvia, maybe Virginia.
These would be like mothers, these gods.
And their children would be sent to help me.
Peter, Elizabeth, Paul, Susanna.
I would tell them all the secrets that I keep from my doctors,
From my parents,
From my lovers,
From my friends.
I would tell them about the lies I tell to keep them all at bay.
I would tell them which drugs work and which ones fail.
I would let them see my tears,
Let them know how lonely this illness makes me,
How fearful, and at the same time, how fearless I have become.
I would ask them to always be ready with open arms to receive me,
Ask them if they felt the same way, about welcome death,
Ask them whether like me, the decision has grown to lack morality,
Lack polarity,
That the difference between life and death sometimes seems so unclear,
That there is no difference at all.
I would pray to them all,
Again and again.
Because after all I have gained and achieved,
This prayer is all I have left.

Mercy Street by Peter Gabriel
45 Mercy Street by Anne Sexton

Originally appeared in nav on the 30th of June, 2008