getting out

i remember being in Okinawa
lying on the tatami in the open hut
lying beside her
the sound of the waves
and the single chime hanging from the beam
printed on the ticket – protection
– Venice
she’d said
the sound of the chime
i opened my eyes and saw it there above me
drifting in the breeze
– yeah
i replied
i let the sounds of life wash into me
the breeze in the grass
the swaying of palms
her slow and regular breathing
– is this going to work
i didn’t want to think about it
i wanted to think about the beach
the sun
doing this
doing nothing
as if nothing had brought her and i together
other than our desire to be here
with each-other
lying side by side
no business
no Tasks

no fear

i thought about the Inverse file
and for a second my senses dulled
for one second it was as if i wasn’t here
a single moment of panic
no breeze
no sun
no Kyoto beside me

the sound of a wind-chime
– of-course
eyes wide open
through slits in the roofing thatch i could see the brilliant blue sky
– it’ll work
i added, then heard her turn her head towards me
i turned to face her
– because we’re the best
i said
her face was like the island
serene
beautiful
she closed her eyes
her way of smiling when she didn’t want to expend the energy
returned her head to face up at the roof of the hut, her eyes staying closed
i also returned my stare to the roof
i felt her forearm touch and move across mine
and she took my hand
we didn’t clasp our palms together
but let our fingers entwine gently

it was that day i decided to get out
but it was already too late
because getting the Inverse file cost her life
and every day since then, it’s been costing mine