Don’t focus on the wrong thing

– Do you see it?
—
– Do you see it?
—
– Right there…
— I see it.
–
—
– Alright then.

Walking the streets
Streets full of moving figures
Eyes downcast
You can hear them
Millions of them
Footsteps
And no-one talks
Like ghosts

– I’ll go.
— No I’ll go.
– Are you sure?
—
– Are you sure?
— I’ll go.

The laneways are fine
Less people
But cutting into the sub-blocks are smaller lanes
Lanes that don’t follow through
They just end
Standing at the opening of one
Staring

– I didn’t do it.
— I didn’t say you did it.
– I didn’t do it, honest.
— I know.
– I’ll go, really.
— I said I’ll go.
–
—
– I’m sorry.
— You said you didn’t do it.
– I know, but… you know.
— No, I don’t know.
– I’m just scared. Is all.
—
–
— Yeah.
–
— Yeah I know.

So I think of you
But it doesn’t help
All it does is make things more complicated
Emotions boil and simmer
Circulate in the convection of my brain
Emotions that reach down into the chest
The stomach
Down to the soles of the feet

– Can you look at me?
—
– Please?
— What?
– Just…
— What.
–
—
– I’m scared.
— Yeah I got that.
– No, for you I mean.
—
–
— I don’t believe you.

There will come a moment
A moment where I’ll just step forward
Without hesitation
Wait
Wait
Something changes in my sternum
There it is
I go
Walk to the end of the alley
Knock on a solid door

– I feel horrible.
— Why.
– I feel like I’m sending you out there.
— Don’t think that way.
– I feel like I should be the one going.
—
–
— So go.
–
— Go.
–
—
– You know I can’t.

For ages nothing happens
I can’t leave though, not after I’ve knocked
I can’t knock again
I can’t move
Wait
Then it opens
This woman, she stares at me
— I guess you better come in.
I go in
It’s pale
Like the sun has bleached out the colour of everything
Bleached out itself
I stop in the kitchen
Can’t hear her behind me
Turn around
— I thought she’d come.
Staring at me
— I didn’t… expect you.
Doesn’t even blink
— Yeah.

– What will you do?
— What?
– When you see her.
— Nothing.
– Nothing?
— What do you want me to do?
– I don’t know.
—
–
— We’re wasting time.

She goes up the stairs
I can hear her moving up there
These brick buildings are all wood inside
Then the quiet
I wait
Quiet
And I’m uncomfortable
Look at the ceiling as if I can see something
Turn around to the sink
Pick up a mug
Turn the tap
Nothing
Put the mug down

– Maybe I can go with you.
— You can’t.
– But… if I try, I could…
—
–
— What?
–
— You could what?
–
— Don’t worry about it. I’m going, I said I’ll go. Nothing’s going to happen. She won’t do anything.
– Yeah.
—
–
— You believe me?
– Yeah.
—
– I want to.
—
– I’m trying real hard.

Go upstairs
I tell myself to go upstairs
Shit I think, this is no good
I don’t want to go upstairs
The water isn’t on
Why isn’t the water on
Quiet
Go upstairs
So I go
It’s narrow
Footsteps creak on the wood
Until I get up to a hall
Darker
I stop at the top of the stairs
Listen
Then I hear it
Crying
Fuck
I take a step forward
Then stop

– Did you get it?
— No.
– What happened?
— It was a fuckup.
– What happened?
— Never mind.
– You have to go back.
— I’m not going back there.
– What?
— I’m not going back there.
– But…
—
–
—
– OK.
—
– OK.
— We’ll sort something else out.
And I can’t look at her