accuracy
the office
a woman at her desk
women and men at their desks
this woman appears no different from any of them
normal
she enjoys normality
enjoys the pleasures of a registered first and last name
the possibilities of relationships
the nuances of fashion and trends
it never feels like it’s closing in
post-modern commentators always rant about the weight of popular culture
but it’s a smorgasboard for her
so much to choose from
form and colour
the shape of each item
each event and lifestyle flavour
each witty conversation
– oah mygod Alice!
comes a much exaggerated voice of exasperation
the voice belongs to a woman named Lynn who shares the office with the woman who she calls Alice
– i’vhadenough! let’s have lunch.
– absolutely
Alice replies
they chatter and laugh
listen, discuss
Alice has adapted quickly to normal life
the ease of which one can make decisions is nothing less than delightful
the lunch room
Alice and the others move about the lunch room with a dance-like grace
this is their space
and she is a part of that sense of possession
these people have normal names
Christy, Ben, Scott, Natallie
a good proportion of foreign names
Devi, Wei, Manuel, Jean-Marie,
cheerful, whinging, sarcastic, clever people
people who at worst will not like her and treat her poorly vocally
and at best invite her over for dinner
she can deal with that
Scott is reading out the personals in the paper
– location: Hong-Kong, Cheif Exec. of high-flying emerging technology infrastructure company…
this gives laughs already
– … seeking like-minded friend, looking for long-term relationship…
– gee people will say anything won’t they…
– it could be worse, the other night on the net…
and Alice feels right at home
at some point during the rolling lunch-hours that overlap among the workers
someone in the lunch-room always reads out the personals, or the job descriptions
the quizes or the funnies
– here’s one for you Alice, weren’t you saying you wanted someone exotic yesterday?
– oh yeah baby, i’m there
she replies
laughs all around
Alice turns where she stands as her food warms up in the microwave
– location: here of-course…
– convenient, someone chimes in -… no long-term relationships necessary
giggles
– location: here, originally from Vitoria, Brazil, data-engineer in core inverse-kinetics…
and she doesn’t hear the rest
laughs all around
but her body doesn’t give any indication that the past that she has forgotten has just found her
with an accuracy so absolute it cannot be denied
only a fraction of a second later than everyone else, she joins in
– sounds like a winner
Alice says
she forces herself to be calm
a will so aggressive it feels like she is beating her inner self with a bat
someone knew she would be in the lunch-room
knew what she had said the day before about men from other countries
knew that on that day someone would read the personals
they’ve probably been through the funnies
everyone in the world knows that people lie horrendously in their personals
it’s a basic premise to try and lie in the most interesting way
but there is too much information in the listing to be coincidence
she takes her food from the microwave and sits down
eats with her work collegues
and tries as subtley as she can to soak in every feature of their characters
she will never see them again after today
the office
at her desk Alice continues work
casually she makes a call that she doesn’t have to make
– Jodie wanted confirmation of… yeah yeah… well tomorrow there’ll be… no look i’ll buzz her next week…
fragments of nothing
nothings that she used to enjoy, revel in
nothings that gave meaning to the endless repetition of simple tasks one did in a day
but she’s been robbed of that freedom
her next phonecall isn’t so unnecessary
there is a 400 millisecond delay between the ringing tone stopping and the line picking up
the voice on the other end speaks
– Vitoria?
– hi Jase, it’s Alice at Turner and Wilson…
– shit
– i’m going to be out of the office tomorrow so you won’t be able to catch me
– when
– well it was sort-of arranged lunch-time today, but you know details are sketchy, it just got passed on like it always does
Alice gives her pleasantly professional laugh
– stay at work until the end of the day, leave your phone switched on and on your desk like you’ve forgotten it, don’t go back to your apartment, hop the first flight out of there, i’ll see you in the morning
– no that sounds fine, we can arrange it for next week, i’m flying out in the morning so i wouldn’t want to cut down our time
– take your time, i’ll be waiting
– ok – i’ll see you then
she puts down the handset
– let me guess, Lynn says, – …Yuri and his legislative antics in Berlin
– yeah, i’ve almost lost count how many times i’ve been to Germany
– my god. they’ve got to be the only company in the country with such inept administrators and they just have to be our clients
– yeah well, the money comes from somewhere, and until the dogs find out it isn’t clean, Harvey’s happy to take it
– don’t you mean until they find out it isn’t dirty?
laughter
but the illusion of joy is fragmenting
the real reality is out there waiting for her
she can see it through the cracks of the life she had built for herself
see the print in the newspaper
calling out her name
tearing her away from these nothing people she’s grown to love so much