new year, new goals

i do not want to write about the rochester visit. it went well enough for practice, i suppose, but i would be lying if i said i didn’t have a great deal to get used to in the next several months.

anyway! the point of this entry isn’t to give cryptic, depressing hints about my weekend, but instead, to set some goals for the year and tidy my admittedly complicated life.

Goal #1  Improve verbal communication skills. I often have a hard time simply telling nick about myself-needs and problems and that sort of thing. And in light of the large and complicated move that will be happening this summer, and the doubling of our family size, it seems more important than ever that I work on this.

Goal #2  Money management. This year has been tragically interesting for my finances. My carelessness about managing my credit cards has cost me a fair bit of my independence, which is something I prize above nearly everything. I would like my money plan this year to go something like this: pay off all my credit cards by June. Set aside a small portion of my tax return for savings. After I settle my accounts, I am going to start directing a small amount of each paycheck (say, $25 per week) into my savings account. Also, I am going to begin paying down my student loans this year. To help my credit score, I am going to maintain my own phone plan by renewing my wireless contract (I’ve been putting this off for months because N and i have been idly discussing merging our plans).

Goal #3  Figure out the future of my relationship with Nick. We are going to the Fetish Flea in providence next month. It’s an entire kinky weekend in a hotel reserved by the New England Leather Association. Aside from the multitude of fetish/bondage/kink vendors, they also have a plethora of classes on bdsm issues, including several on M/s relationships. A couple entries ago I mentioned that I didn’t know how to balance my former completely independent self with serving nick. I still don’t. And when nick is here, it becomes less of an issue. But I have lost the ability to enjoy being by myself, and that is unacceptable. I still need some degree of independence and autonomy in my life, however much I enjoy and need to be a sub.

The thing i took away from this weekend, however, is that cohabiting with Lindsay, Mikey, Nick and Matt is going to be feasible and even somewhat enjoyable. But only if I’m getting all my needs met, a thing about which I am presently unclear. I’m still not sure if I’m cut out for being in a poly relationship, and am constantly finding that my thoughts and opinions and … everything else … are being challenged at every turn. So I need to figure out what I actually need and what I want, something I’ve sort of been putting off.

Goal #4  Keep doing crafts. I know it sounds a bit silly, but when I have the time, I genuinely enjoy making things by hand. It’s a great way to pas the time on the subway. Also, crafted items can make good gifts-personalized embroidered kitchen towels, christmas ornaments, drawer sachets, pillows … And: it’s calming and reassuring.

Goal #5  Begin a professional launch. I do not want to work at Starbucks the rest of my life, and it’s time to go about making it happen. I need to join the professional organizations in my field, send out my CV to other cuny schools in hopes of getting hired as an adjunct, and that sort of thing. Ensure I get accepted to a PhD program when it’s time.