sad girl.

 so randy the bf left monday and i am a wreck emotional. physically i do as little as possible and try to keep my little boy entertained. i cant handle this.  my emotionals are too much and i have no friends here. i am in a state where i know nobody other than who lives our apartment. and my other has left. and i am miserable. he is having a blast visiting his family and i feel so guilty for wanting him here. but also upset cause i should have gone with him but he didn invite me. no matter how much he understand how it hurt it doesnt make up for. all this emotional shit shit sucks. i hate being pregnant i hate being here alone. i just want to cry and sleep until he comes back. but i cant. i have a toddler to take care of. i cant dive into work cause i hardly work. i have no motavtion to clean enough though i somehow manage basic up keep with some extra cleaning on the side. i just want to cry. i wish i had closer friends. no internet for most of the day so i felt even more disconnected from everyone. since i use google voice no internet cuts a lot of my usage down. he is being really good. when i start to freak out he will call. replies often and gives me updates. so why am i so emotional cause im pregnant and this sucks. i enjoy sleeping alone but i rather have him next to me all cuddled up. 

i tried to explain that its too much like before. a year seperated and lots of bad things happened. its so hard. i dont want to go though this. i want him here.