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 I am just a mess. saturday is the moving date. I dont want to break up or move away. Logically i know its for the best. i have a really hard couple of semester coming up and i dont need him mocking it up. I dont need the drama or the constant worring that hes cheating on me. Which i always have. In truth my life was so broken that i didn want to write it, i didn want people to know that stayed. Example i went out for a drive.. unintentional just to disappear drive. I come back and hes nice and was going to cook dinner but had to run to the store. Well he was putting on smelly good stuff just to go to the store. So i looked at his messages. Turns out he was meeting a "friend". This is the same friend he cheated on me with before i moved her, this is the same friend that when she moved away they kept sexting to each other. This is the same friend he lied to me about her coming back to nd. This is the same friend he lies about hanging out with. This is the same friend that i come home early from the gym and shes here with my kids. She is the same friend that they talked about fucking while we were still dating. This is the same friend that i wake up from a nap and she that’s shes here and that they had left. This is one of reason why i felt like i couldn even leave the apartment cause i never knew what i would find when i came back, or he would go hang out with her. I dont care about him hanging out with friends, i care about the lying and hiding shit from me. She doesn’t like me cause i would text mean things to her, and call her too. Se has every right to hate me, and i have every right to hate her for trying to sleep with someone who isnt single. So low and dirty like that apparently, and so is he i guess. That i put my name on the lease and find out he has ex on there and she was supose to move there, but im supose to be ok with it cause he choose me instead. He hates his son, cant stand to even hold him. When he gets home he sits on the couch and texts or watches tv or plays video games. Doesnt like going outside to do anything. And the sex. Apparently it sucks for him, it has since i moved here. Well i hate to tell you its not that great for me. Even when we 1st got together. Hes about as fun as a sack of potatoes in in the sack. He is good with myles for the most part. i have to remind him that myles is a little kid. Sterling is such a happy baby that im completely dumbfounded that he hates him. He says cause i chose keeping sterling over him. i have put him 1st before me, i have chosen him over alot of things and he wants to try to hold that over my head considering what he has done to me. Like i said i know this is the for the best, i know it will hurt but ill be ok.. doesnt change how i feel about him. The love was real, the connection was there just nothing else i guess. I was stupid for staying, i felt so alone and so worthless cause i wasent happy. he had an issue with weight, well hes not on shape either. But all he needs to do is run for a week and its better. it wasent all bad just everytime there was good there was bad right behind it. so im moving back home to nc. to raise two kids alone. work my ass off to support us and my mom, to fix a house that needs so much help. I dont want to talk about the good things cause ive been keeping so much to myself that i need to let go of the bad. we are going to meet up in 6m and see how things are from there. i plan on working hard to showing him that he will never have anything.