Update

Hi everyone.

Sorry it’s been awhile… I just don’t have much to talk about recently. I totally wasted this weekend. Blew it all on World of Warcraft. Doesn’t that suck? Stupid game. Bad WoW! Bad!

Tomorrow is Monday, and I have to go back to work again. Boo. =(

However I’ll be doing something special, an Employment Workshop. It’s the army’s way of helping me prepare for getting out of the army, by helping me find a job and make a resumè, etc.

Still. I just dread work period. Does anybody else dread their job as much as I do?

I had a nightmare last night. It woke me up at 4AM. Which sucked, badly. It seems I have a fear of absolute silence, which is known as sedatephobia.

This bad dream only triggers when it’s absolutely dead silent in my room/area.. so I’ve taken great care to ensure that there will always be at least a fan going now.. I don’t like nightmares.

What is it about absolute silence, a silence so strong you HEAR it as a ringing in your ears, that makes me panic so much? I don’t know. All I know is when it’s absolutely silent like that, I get this terrible feeling of dread, as if something horrible is about to happen. It’s inexplicable, but I just panic in silence.

I also believe that this nightmare is not actually a nightmare, but just an odd case of sleep paralysis in conjuction with hallucinations. Or at least, that’s what I always hope it is.

The dream is always constantly up to date. If I am in Germany, the dream takes place in Germany. If I’m in Iraq, the dream takes place in Iraq. It’s never different. I’m never in Iraq, but dreaming of Germany… etc.

Plus, even small details, like whether my room is messy, what’s sitting on the desk… it’s always up to date. If I leave a paper on my desk, in my dream the paper is there. That’s one thing that really creeps me out about my dream. It has always followed me and stayed up to date.

Normally I don’t have it but once every 4 months or so… 3 times a year. Not bad. But ever since Iraq I’ve had this dream once every month for the last 3 months. Which is starting to suck.

Here is the dream so I don’t drive y’all crazy. Keep in mind I don’t know whether I’m actually asleep or whether this is all a hallucination brought on by half-sleep//paralysis.

I’m laying in bed, half-asleep. The room is dark (cuz I sleep with the lights off, duh) and absolutely silent. The silence that causes a ringing in your ears.

My door opens without a sound, very slowly. A darkness in the shape of a man enters my room, without making a sound… and shuts the door behind him. He is wearing a robe, sort of like the 9 Boogey men in Lord of the Rings. Flowing black robes, y’know? And you can’t see into the hood where his face should be. Only darkness.

The robed figure begins to search through my possessions. Through my drawers. Never making a single sound. Nothing but deafening silence. I decide that it’s better to pretend I am asleep than to jump up and attack/startle this hooded figure… so I watch him with my eyes half open…

I begin to feel a terrible feeling of dread, the worst feeling ever. Tears begin to pour out of my eyes as I quietly lay there, watching the figure.

Whatever it is he’s searching for, he doesn’t find. He moves on to the computer area,.. and begins to search again. He never makes a sound.

Eventually, he gives up, and walks over towards the bed. For minutes he just stands there, staring down at me… I can’t help but to feel so overwhelmed with fear and dread… it’s horrible.

Out of his robe he pulls out a Kris and holds it with both hands…

He positions the Kris directly over my heart… raises it up above his head…

I jump up at him and try to grab his arms… but he plunges the Kris into my heart, and as I feel myself dying I look into his face and look into the face of a demon… then I wake up.

I usually find myself in the exact position I was in when I died. Sitting up, arms outstretched, tear streams on my cheeks…

And then, worst of all… I realize that the room is exactly how it was minutes before the figure came into my room… and I fear… “What if this was just a prediction? What if he is really seconds away from entering my room?”

I get up… turn on the lights… have a drink… but the memory is there. And I can’t make myself go back to sleep. I’m just too afraid.

That’s one of my worst nightmares. I have 2 others but I don’t feel like sharing them at the moment. Maybe some other day.

PS — He never opens the drawer that contains my Bible and Study Bible.

~Bruce