Restarting Final Project. Again.

Hello everyone,

Just figured I’d try out a new format for my entries, since I’m always so scatter brained. It’s organized into categories.

Quickie Table

1. Events
2. Physical
3. Emotional
4. Rant

Events:
It’s been a crappy month. At first things were going well on ‘Til Dawn, the game we’ve been working on in Final Project. But then for reasons I still don’t understand, the entire programming team was fired, myself included. So now we have to restart Final Project AGAIN. I’m so distraught about that.

What really upsets me is this is not my first time being fired in Final Project. The entire programming team on Speckt (my first FP game) was also fired. But I can understand being fired for Speckt. A dog could take a crap, and we could take that crap and compile it into code… and that’s what Speckt would be. So I understood being fired for Speckt.

Speckt Level:

But ‘Til Dawn was different. We didn’t want to get fired again, so we busted our asses, and the game looked so good, and the code architecture was outstanding… and we got fired. What makes me mad is they said the game wasn’t where it should be… but we hadn’t even reached the Alpha Milestone yet! That’s like saying you have 2 seconds to race around the world… THAT’S NOT ENOUGH TIME! We didn’t even get to the first milestone turn in to PROVE that we could do it… It’s all so subjective. I hate it.

‘Til Dawn

So anyways, now we’re basically working on the pitches for our next game. We have a Contra style game (which I love), and a top-down shooter mech-warrior type game (which I will also love), so no matter which one wins, I should be happy. Plus we’re going to keep the systems as simple as possible… because WE WANT TO GRADUATE!!!

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Physical:
I finally hit my goal. 180 pounds. From January to now, I have gained 45 pounds. My arms look good but my abs look like flabs. So I think even if I lose the weight, I’m going to work on having smoother abs and keep the arms where they’re at. I’ve proven all that I needed to prove to myself. I can be a fatass if I want to, or I can be Skeletor; Overlord of Evil if I want to. I choose to be inbetween.

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Emotional:
I am so empty inside. I just don’t feel anymore. I miss Nicki. And I feel like school is just screwing me over with the Final Project restarts over and over. I feel like when I get 3 months into Final Project again, they’re just going to fire me again, so why should I even try. Like a carrot on a stick. I feel hopeless. I miss Nicki. I miss talking to her. I think the part that hurts the worst is that she probably doesn’t miss me at all. Or even think about me.

I hate love so much. It’s torture.

I’m starting to reach the point where I view Kayli (My Future Wife) as a fictional entity; like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. She’s just not real. She’s not out there. At least not for me. Maybe for some other guy, but not me.

Half the time I don’t even get along with women IRL. They irritate me. I’m so numb to the world but so angry towards women. It’s crazy.

I don’t even like who I am anymore. But I’m not going to worry about that until I graduate college.

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Rant:
I’ve read and heard from a lot of different people this month who’ve been pursuing their dreams. My advice on this is to always pursue your dreams. You can never go wrong. Don’t forget a couple of years ago I wrote an entry in this OD saying I didn’t know if I had what it took to be a game programmer… and now I’ve programmed several.

So… chase your dreams. It’s worth it.

I had to work with a programmer lately who doesn’t seem to know the difference between a Normal (Direction) and a Velocity… and that bothers me. I can understand if you don’t know the difference because you never use math,… but this guy is in a degree that requires us to know this stuff before you can even get as far as he somehow has.

Normal (Direction): A direction. Imagine an arrow pointing. Tada.

Velocity: A normal (direction) AND a speed. Imagine an arrow pointing and you going so fast in that direction.

Yet he just couldn’t grasp that.

~Bruce
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