One Day, You’ll See.

This is a favorites only entry. To keep Brooke out. She’s my friend, but I think this would hurt her feelings, yes? Well… I haven’t put this on paper yet, I plan to though. Should I send her this letter? I’m having trouble deciding. It’s a bit… intense. Help me.

Nicki,

Hello beautiful. I am writing this letter for one sole purpose. And so I will come right out with it and ensure that I do not stray off track or somehow miss the point.

This letter is written to you to answer a question you asked me over the phone and then conveniently had to go right before I could answer.

You asked me something along the lines of my feelings for Brooke. And pretty much the history of that.

Well woman. Here is the answer to that question.

I know you’ve asked me this question before. I know you have asked me this question numerous times. And numerous times before, I have answered this question. And yet, you ask me again. So I will answer it yet again, Nicki.

Brooke is just my friend, Nicki. Brooke has always been just my friend, and Brooke will always be just my friend. And any incident between Brooke and I that took place, took place long before wonderful you ever showed up into my life.

And now to further add to this: Nicki. I love you. I’ve told you this before. For you, I would swim the oceans, climb the mountains, and die a hundred deaths. I would not do any of these things for Brooke.

At one point in time, woman, you possessed my ring. My ring is not something I hand out like candy. Besides you, there are only 2 other women on this planet that have had it. They were both my girlfriends, and they both dumped me. You had it, and you somewhat ‘dumped’ me too. If you consider what we were somewhat like a couple.

You possess the world’s only autographed comic from me. Nobody else in the entire world has one. Nobody. Nobody in the universe at that. Just you. I made that comic just for you, Nicki. I made it with you watching me. I know you remember this.

I wrote you letters while you were in basic every single day, Nicki. Every day. Even days when I didn’t get off till 8 PM I still wrote you, drove about 2 miles to the nearest Post Box, and mailed you a letter. I did this because I LOVE YOU, Nicki. I don’t just write letters to anybody else. I don’t even give birthday cards to any one else.

Furthermore, I cannot even tell you the last time I have seen Brooke. I think it was maybe late 2005? Or possibly mid-2006? I am not sure. And yet, at the same time, I can tell you precisely that the last time I laid eyes upon you, upon beautiful you, was December 31st, 2007. And I couldn’t get over your hair. Or those eyes. I think I could tell you any thing woman, staring into those beautiful eyes of yours. They are so dark and ‘sparkly’, and I feel like you can see straight into MY soul when I look into those eyes of yours. You were just killing me, woman.

You’ve had my ring, you have an autographed comic, I wrote you every day I could during your basic. Why can’t you see that I love you, Nicki? Why don’t you believe me? Brooke is a great friend, this is true. But compared to you, Nicki… She’s nothing. It’s not the nicest thing to say, but I know I’ve tried to tell you this before.

When you’re sad, I’m sad. When you cry, I get angry that the world could hurt you so. When you’re happy, I’m happy. When you laugh, I smile. Just hearing your voice on the phone, talking to me, simple Bruce, can turn one of my shittiest weeks into a damn good one. My world revolves around you, woman. Why can’t you see that out of the millions of women on this planet, NO ONE COMPARES TO YOU. In my eyes, you are everything.

I’m trying to make you understand that if you’re having any type of jealousy, or insecurity, or any weird such feelings about Brooke and I, that there is absolutely no need for this! I love you, Nicki, not her. You.

I feel I am failing you with my inability to… make you understand this. I wish you could trust me enough to believe me on this, Nicki.

I don’t know what it will take for you to believe me, but I know that sooner or later you will believe me. Do you know why I am so sure of this? I will tell you why. I am 110% positive that sooner or later you will finally realize that I really do love you, simply because it’s the truth. And being in love with you, I cannot stop loving you. You will see over time. I will continue to show you through my words and actions how much I love you until the day comes you finally say to yourself “Y’know what, Bruce really does love me”. I hope that one day you can trust me when I say “I love you”.

Until then, I can only tell you, and show you. And hope that the day you finally understand this is nearing.

And since I talked about loving you Nicki, I will leave this letter off with this:

I am completely lost without you.

~Bruce

PS: I know you don’t like hearing me say that Nicki. If this letter makes you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. But I feel that it is important you understand the points of this letter.