Healing

Well.

To make myself feel better… I’ve got my favorite game going, watching my favorite movies, listening to my favorite music, eating my favorite foods, doing whatever I want. Me me me.

I feel so miserable. Why does this keep happening to me? If I really was this great guy then why can’t the girls I like see that? I haven’t had an actual official g/f relationship in 5 fricking years. Apparently I’m out of date or something. Or expired.

Yet one more girl that waltzes in past all my defenses and does the mexican-hat-dance on my heart…

You women suck. Period. Don’t even try to defend yourselves. It will not amuse me.

Y’know something that’s sad? What if I go through this 10 more times, and finally erect this unbreakable unpenetrable heart and then the actual girl of my dreams comes into my life and I never let her in.

Because right now, nobody’s getting in. Or near in. So if she came up right now, and God Himself just knocked on my door and said “Hi Bruce, this is God, and this girl right here *shows girl* is The One”… and she wouldn’t get in. Because I just can’t keep DOING this.

I just hope I don’t hit 30 years old and still be in the same boat. If that happens I’ll kill myself. I swear.

And y’know it’s fucked up because I’m not pursuing a life of luxury or fame or anything. It’s ALWAYS been a goal of mine to simply get married and be happy. And I can’t even achieve a girlfriend. God I’m such a fucktard apparently.

I don’t know who to blame for this. Someone is to blame.