Basic Training Letter #6

This letter is re-written by memory alone. I do not have the letter with me as I have already mailed it. So I am conjuring what I said in the letter out of my head. Sorry.

Dear Nicki,

Hi woman. How are you holding up? Me thinks you’re doing well. I decided that I am going to share with you a story from my basic that will hopefully cheer you up.

Did you know that I do perfect pushups, woman? And my form is perfect largely due to what happened to me in Basic. When I first joined the army and was put into the pushup position in basic… after awhile I would sag in the middle when I got tired, somewhat resting my abs on the ground.

Well the Drill Sergeants would always yell at me to stop sagging, to get my back straight. And I would try, but when you’re as exhausted as that in basic… you eventually stop listening.

Well one time I was sagging in the middle, and the Drill Sergeant told me to stop. After I couldn’t comply, he said “Oh you don’t want to listen do you? Hold that thought.” He then left the room for about 2 minutes.

When he came back into the room he was hiding something behind his back. He told me to get my back straight. So I did. He then revealed what he was hiding behind his back. A plastic dixie cup full of liquid.

He poured the liquid underneath me and said “I dare you to sag now!”. I then became aware of a very distinct smell coming from this liquid he poured under me. I asked my Drill Sergeant “Drill Sergeant, is this piss Drill Sergeant?” and he laughed and replied “You damn right it’s piss, private. I dare you to sag in the middle now”.

He kept me in the pushup position over a puddle of piss for about 20 minutes. Not once did I sag in the middle. I didn’t want to get his piss on me. My abs got quite a workout from it.

To this day I no longer sag in the middle. I have the perfect pushup form. Hopefully that made you laugh Nicki. I’m going to stop writing now.

~Bruce