Actual Update (I never know what to title these)

Hello ladies. And Michael.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written a real substantial entry. So much stuff has happened. Let’s see.

Sadly, I was forced to restart Final Project. The entire programming team got ‘fired’. So now we have to start from the beginning. It’s the equivalent of failing a class, basically.

The worst part about that is that now my graduation has been pushed back 3 months, from late July, to late October.

21 months of accelerated classes, I never failed a single one. And then suddenly I’m ripped from my fellow classmates and put 3 months behind them. It makes me sad to know I wont get to graduate with them.

But whatever. Life is filled with disappointments.

… I get upset when I think about that.

Anyways, our new game is a third person shooter. You’re a vampire whose shooting lesser animalistic vampires who are plaguing a village that acts as your main food supply. Kill a bunch of vampires throughout the night and don’t die. That’s the game.

The collisions are already done. The animation exporter is already done. So much code is already done. Mostly it’s all scrapped code from the previous project, Speckt.

Oh that reminds me, if you are a fan of my game project Speckt,… it’s been cancelled, so you might as well drop that group.

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of my feelings. I am so disappointed in humanity nowadays.

Recently I learned that everyone I know that isn’t my family is someone I can never fully trust. At least not with my heart. I loved Nicki for so many years. I was so loyal and true to her. And then when I suddenly was viewed as a threat to her family… she tossed me from her life. And not nicely either. I have a feeling now if she saw me crossing the street, she wouldn’t brake her car for me. I don’t blame her though. It just hurts that she not only threw away our friendship, but is so hostile towards me. I only wanted her to be happy. I love her.

So. Never again.

My best friends, my acquaintances, my coworkers, my previous brothers in arms, they’re not people I can allow to get close to me. Because sooner or later they’ll do the same thing, when their perspective changes. It hurts to know I can’t even trust my best friends.

All humans are just ugly sacks of meat and guts.

I put my OD on Favorites Only when I found out Nicki learned about my OD.

I *hate* having my OD on Favorites Only. I miss being public. But I don’t want her reading this. This is my personal space. I wish there was a “Everyone but Nicki” option.

My OD entry is so scattered. It frustrates the programmer in me.

I wish I could just put ink on my soul, mash my soul up against the OD, and then post the entry. Like fingerprinting. But I can’t. My heart has to communicate with my head, which tells my fingers what to type, and the signal gets all garbled here on OD.

I’m so frustrated with life. I am the type of person that needs a purpose in order to be happy. And I feel like I don’t have a purpose. Like Agent Smith.

“It is Purpose that created us. Purpose that connects us. Purpose that pulls us; that guides us; that drives us. It is Purpose that defines us. Purpose that binds us.“

And without purpose, we should not exist.

I think the worst part about it all is that I can’t even kill myself without hurting my family. That’s how Life gets you in the end. The only early escape – suicide – hurts your family.

Let’s see. I talked about school, I talked about feelings. What am I forgetting?

Next topic: Games

I played some Thief 2 today. I forgot how scary that game is. I can tell I’m gonna be sleeping with my knife and chem-light tonight. Thief 4 is in production. Hopefully it’ll be out in 2011. Then I can play some Civilization 5 (Fall of 2010), D3 (hopefully next year), and Thief 4… all in 2011. That’d be awesome.

Next topic: Weight

I’m 165 pounds. I’m 15 pounds away from my goal weight (180 pounds). It’s been a long and difficult journey. Eating. Eating. Eating. More eating. Working out. Protein shakes. I was hating life. But finally… FINALLY… so close to my goal weight. I think when I get to 180… I’m gonna drop the shakes so that my weight stays where it’s at, and possibly not work out as much. Just maintain the weight.

135 – 165. 30 pounds. That’s a lot.

If only I were as powerful as Old Spice Odor Blocker…

I don’t know what to talk about anymore. I guess that means I’m done.

I hate how life just keeps moving forward. But at least that means I’ll be dead sooner or later.

Oh, actually, I forgot some stuff.

I registered a website to serve as my online résumé, That’s what I’ve been working on a lot for the last few days. I need to get most of it up tomorrow, at least the résumé part of it, as I have a mock job interview on Monday with our school’s Job Placement program. Wish me luck.

The site is http://www.bruceariggs.com

Yes, I know it’s not done, and yes, I know my 404 error messages are rude. You’ll just have to deal with it for now.

while(true)
{
     Pain++;
     Work++;
}

And finally…

Watson is Creepy.

~Bruce