2009 Almost Over…

Well,

It certainly has been awhile. Almost a month. There’s never really anything going on with me, but I’ll go ahead and just try to write out everything that comes to mind.

This month I learned how to write programs for the Gamebody Advance. It’s really fun. The GBA hardware is so limited, it’s a fun challenge to try to make a game using only so much space, so much memory. I liked it a lot. And then we got to take the programs we made and flash them to a cartridge, and actually play our program in the Nintendo DS.

Fun stuff.

While visiting my hometown during the Thanksgiving break, I went around visiting family and friends of the family. I had an interesting conversation with an aunt.

—

AUNT: “So Brucey, you got yourself a girlfriend?”

ME: “Uh, no. Not yet.”

AUNT: “Well why not?”

ME: “I haven’t really got the time for–“

AUNT: “Y’know, if you were to come out of the closet, I wouldn’t be upset or anything…”

ME: “Uhhhhhhhhhhh… what?”

AUNT: “I’m just saying, that, if you were, it’s okay.”

ME: “Yea uhh, I’m not gay.”

*Here my little sister April jumps to my defense, while I sit there kind of shocked*

AUNT: “I know, I’m just saying that if you were, I’d understand.”

ME: “… alright.”

—

I’ll admit, it has been a really long time since I’ve had a girlfriend… but I didn’t think it had been THAT long.

I am definetly NOT gay. I may not LIKE women, but I am helplessly attracted to them. Frustratingly at that.

Sometimes I still get pressured from my parents about my relationship status, but I’ve never been called gay before.

I hesitatingly confess that I recently had a very violent rape dream recently too. Nobody I knew. I woke up feeling refreshed too. Just another reason to… feel digusted with myself. But I have no control over my dreams. So whatever. Just being honest.

—

I did some really good maintenance, care, and backing up of my computer this week. And it’s really paid off. My computer’s running nicely.

I think when I graduate I’m going to build myself a computer. This would be my 4th computer I’ve built. I thought with my 3rd one that I would never build another computer, but it’s just too pricey to buy one already made. Of course I could also just buy a barebones kit or something and put parts in it from there. I don’t really know what I’m going to do. I’ll have a better idea come July when I graduate.

I want to start to get my life more under control. I decided that I’m gonna put some really tough/strict New Year’s Resolutions on myself come 2010. I think I’ve pretty much failed every single resolution I set for myself this year. Let’s find out real quick…

<Pasted Directly from my December 31st, 2008 entry>
—

New Years Resolutions 2009

1. Keep the weight I’ve gained FAILED
My goal was to gain 10 pounds this year, bringing me from 135 to 145. I gained 20 pounds this year. I weigh 155 lbs. Adding weight is not necessary but welcome for 2009. The main goal is to KEEP WHAT I’VE GAINED. Limit 185 lbs – 195 lbs.

2. Stay in school, and OUT of the Army SUCCESS
There’s a lot of different people involved in this. I can do everything right within my power and still fail this one. So let’s hope that the stars are in my favor and I succeed in this goal.

3. Focus on hair regrowth FAILED
I’ll begin this year’s self improvement with my hair. It’s been slowly going away and I wont stand for that anymore. Hopefully this is a quick fix, but if not, I’m in it for the long, hard war. Guess I’ll get some Rogaine now…

4. Get over Nicki by the end of 2009 FAILED
Get her out of my head. Get her picture out of my wallet. Stop living in the past. Stop wondering if she ever cared. I hope I can accomplish at least a little bit of this before 2009 ends.

5. Regain self confidence FAILED and SUCCESS
It’s practically gone. But with work, I can have it back. I want to be able to go to a public beach and swim in just my swimming trunks, without feeling self-concious. I want a more positive self-image. I want to be able to talk to girls. Dealing with #4 (see above) will probably help this.

—

Ehhh. Not bad. But not as good as I had hoped. #5 has Failed and Success because I didn’t really specify how much. So making progress like I did is a success, but not completely, is a failure.

I think my biggest challenge of 2010 is going to be finding a job after I graduate. It’ll probably be my biggest goal for 2010. Get a freaking job… that relates to my degree.

I think that’s all I’ve got to talk about. Have a good week everyone.

~Bruce