03/18/2010

I miss Nicki, tonight.

I have my good nights and my bad nights. I miss her a lot, though. I’m still upset at how it all ended. Still losing sleep.

—EDIT—

Almost 2AM. Still awake. I have to be up at 7.

Our puzzle game lost the pitch. We’re working on a platformer now. It’s my Final Project. I graduate August 6th.

Today I spent a lot of time thinking about how much I hate people. I hate them a lot.

I think this girl might like me. But I hate women. So I feel bad for her. If it weren’t for all this built up anger, I might actually care. I just hope I’m not mean to her. I know how sensitive the heart is. When it comes to revenge and love, women are more barbarous than men.

Hell. They’re a lot more barbarous, period, in my opinion.

What really makes me mad are the ones who claim they live with no regrets.

Really? No regrets? All the cruel things you’ve done and good things you haven’t done? Anyone who says they live with no regrets is either:

• Lying
• Extremely Naive
• Extremely Cruel

So anyone who says that shit around me falls into the “Cruel” category by default.

I don’t like all this brooding I do. I snap at people more easily when I’m like this. I just can’t help but be pissed at everyone. There’s just way too much crap going on in this world. Too much pain and suffering. I can’t stand it.

I can’t stand this world.

I was thinking about death and suicide lately, and RIGHT when I thought about it, my Dad called. Just wanted to see how I was doing.

I thought that was kind of weird. Ominous.

I just don’t see the point in being here. What am I suppose to do for the next 50-60 years? Work? Retire? I’d rather not. I’m not having enough incentive to stay. The pro’s of living don’t seem to outweigh the con’s. But, I couldn’t do that to my family. They’re my life-anchor.

Other than them though, I’m ready to go. This world sucks.