02/04/2012

Nothing ever happens in my life.

Nothing ever matters in my life.

Nothing matters at all.

I know Java and SQL now. My new job required them, so I learned them.

Java was easy. Learned that in a week with little effort. It’s so similar to C#.

SQL on the other hand, was a little tricky to learn, but I think I’ve got the hang of it now.

SELECT purpose
FROM people
WHERE first_name = ‘Bruce’
AND last_name = ‘Riggs’

Exception error: No records found.

I wouldn’t be surprised if I get fired from this new job. I know Java and I know SQL, but their layout for this web application is ridiculously complex and the job came with a very steep learning curve.

I’m kind of hoping to get a Java applet made. Even just a bullshit one. To prove that I can. Maybe I’ll even post it in an OD entry.

I feel like garbage. My only purpose in life, it seems, is to be used and then thrown away. I feel the pain of my kin – the tissues and the napkins and the toilet papers of the world. But at least they serve a purpose.

Heard some more cheesy jokes that I’m into. I guess I’ll share them.

“How often do I make chemistry jokes? Periodically.”

“I’d rather be pissed off, then pissed on” – “This is one of those times when the difference between then and than is very important”

Nicki has pretty much been blatantly ignoring me for the last 3 – 4 months or so. Which is fine by me. My rage towards her has been building higher and higher and I think has put me through some apotheosis. I have evolved.

I think I can now say that I love her… and hate her.

But I don’t know which one I feel more.

Or maybe I don’t hate her. Maybe I just hate everyone. And she is a member of the Everyone group.

I blame her for all of my problems. For all of my feelings. Immature, I know.

She will never see me in person again. I will not allow it.

I told her I would not. But I don’t think she even listened to a single word I said.

She forgot my birthday again. She’ll realize it in a month or two, maybe.

If she gets engaged on Valentine’s Day to her boyfriend, I will be enraged beyond belief.

Our mutual friend Brooke is pregnant and engaged. If I get a wedding RSVP, my response will be

Bruce.isAttending() = !(Nicki.isAttending());

Also known as “If Nicki will be there, I will not. If Nicki will not be there, I will.”

That’s what’s nice about programming. It says far more with far less.

I wish I could turn off my feelings. Or just become numb to them. They’re becoming a constant pain to carry around. Always stinging me from the inside, regardless of where I am or what I’m doing.

Tear up at work? Take a quick sip of water and pretend to choke on it. Blame it on that.

Tear up at WalMart? Blame it on the perfumey smell of the air freshner’s in the aisle.

Tear up in the kitchen? Blame it on the steam rising from the pot of spaghetti I’m cooking.

I’m tired of dealing with this.

I’m tired, period. Of life.