3/5/21 good times

Hey, it’s been a while. I’m doing really well. Some things have changed, me and lily broke up the day before valentines, I got the covid vaccine this week, and overall I’m doing a lot better. I had a really rough time when me and lily broke up, but after taking time to focus on myself and deal with the baggage and shit i’ve been carrying over since highschool, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief and joy. Dating lily was forcing me to hold on to some part of me that I hate so much, for some reason. When we broke up I started dieting again, and I kept working out every single day. I’ve lost almost 10 pounds since starting the diet, and I am really starting to love my body again. I hung out with a different girl last night, at home in my room. We cuddled, and it felt weird at first, but I envy the warmth that comes off of her skin. I wish my life was like a movie and I try to live everyday like it is. Sometimes that leads to disappointment, but sometimes it gives me the best experiences life has to offer. We’re going to hawaii in april, I hope it’s like the movies.

I want to talk to girls but I don’t want to commit to them yet. I know that is normal, but I’m not used to the feeling. I talk to guys too because I am attracted to them in a very shallow way, but I don’t think I could ever actually be with one, it just gives me a confidence boost.

Life is good.