A Little Emotionally Unstable

I’ve been kind of a wreck the last couple weeks or so. I’ve been way overdoing it with caffeine, especially when I go to work. So I’m super hyper, super talkative, and my anxiety level goes way up, making think I’m talking too much or being too hyper and I probably am but it’s also probably not the end of the world, then everything swirls around in my brain and I get depressed. On top of that, school is starting soon. I went to my advising appt. and my advisor was the best, made me feel a lot better about things, and for now I’m sticking with the history major. We’ll see how it goes. He also swapped out my History 300 for a Women in History class that I was way more interested in. He seemed very much about doing what I’m passionate about. I also got my fin. aid issue worked out, but now it seems like I’m only getting my student loan money and nothing else, so I’m going back down there today to see what I can accomplish and stopping by central library to return a book and pick up a Poppy Z. Brite they amazingly have a copy of.

I’ve been especially lonely lately as well. It’s probably from reading about Poppy Z. Brite’s characters Rickey and G-man, and what a good, long-lasting, loving relationship they have. I enjoyed reading about them again so much in The Devil You Know that I picked another book with two novellas about them and read that. The one I’m picking up today is also about them. Most of the time I’m glad not to have relationship drama in my life, but there’s always two sides to every coin, and lately I’ve wished there was someone out there for me, that actually gets me and loves me and helps me get through the tough times. I’ve felt especially odd and different lately than everyone else too. I think I need to cut way back on the coffee, get more exercise, and focus on my goals more. And stop reading about happy couples.

One good thing is that I’ve been reading a lot more. I’m already over a quarter of the way through my reading challenge for this year on Goodreads. We had a good book club discussion about March, by Geraldine Brooks. I loved the book so much, it’s my favorite Geraldine Brooks novel yet. April’s book is my favorite YA book and #1 handsell at work, A Northern Light, by Jennifer Donelly. I’ve sold 100 copies in less than 3 months. I’ll be glad to have the reread so I can remember more of it when I’m trying to sell it. When I first read it I tried making the maple sugar pie they have in the book and it turned out really good, so I may make it again for our book club meeting even though I wouldn’t be able to have any of it.

Having Type 2 diabetes has been getting me down too. I don’t eat any sugar or carbs if I can help it, so I figure that would make losing weight easier. But it’s hard not having those comfort foods in my life and I make up for it with making other things that I am able to eat but are maybe not the most healthy, or eating way too much, so I’m not losing weight as fast as I could be. I’m going to try harder to focus on my weight-loss goals more, I’ve already lost 65 pounds, I know I can lose another 50 if I just try harder.

I’ve also had almost a week off of work because of the weird way my days got scheduled, so I’ve been spending too much time in self-reflection. I’ve got today to get everything set up for the week ahead, then I have a long full work week to keep me busy, hopefully help me eat less, and keep me from getting too down. I’ll try not to think about school starting at the beginning of the next month…