Letter to Dad

I have not made an entry since Christmas since I really have not felt up to it. I now realize that one of the reasons was a conversation I had with my dad regarding the family land again. I was out X-C skiing around the land and had a thought. I observed that there were plenty of hemlock trees on the land to cut and build a house with without impacting the property negatively. I shared this observation in a semi joking way with my dad. I was hoping that he would respond by agreeing with me. Instead he jokingly said that there were plenty of pine trees across the brook (not our property). I dropped the subject but later on the subject of oldest brother Jerry building a house came up and dad mentioned that Jerry would probably just take his house. I felt a little twinge of jealousy. I would not want to have my parents house. There are too many things about it that I don’t like. The feelings came from the fact that my dad was saying he supported Jerry living on the land but not me. He don’t believe he meant it to come out that way. It’s probably just the fact that Jerry lives closer, is the oldest and will probably be in a position to move up there first. I think my dad has an unrealistic vision that the current 2 house will be the only 2 up there, Jerry and my sister, Dorothy, will live in them and the rest of us will pay the taxes on the land for the rest of our lives for the privilege of visiting.

These entries may lead someone to conclude that there is a lot of conflict surrounding the property but that’s not really true. Our family generally seeks to avoid conflict and not make decisions that could lead to conflict.

This morning I drafted a letter to get my feelings out. I don’t know if I’ll send it or not. More conflict avoidance?

Dad,

I have always dreamt of a time when I could return to Vt. and live close to family. I find myself dreaming more and more of this every year. The land in Fairfax is the perfect opportunity for me to realize that dream.

When we touch upon the topic your response leads me to believe that your vision for the land is to keep it intact and for us to expand upon it by buying adjacent property. Although this may happen there are 2 problems with that scenario.

One problem is that the houses around are not what we are looking for. We have spent our lives moving around to various places away from family wherever the job took us. We never built a house because we always told ourselves that when we retire we would build exactly what we want. It’s easy to live with housing compromises when you know it’s not forever. When we retire we plan to live out our lives there. In addition to having the dream house I have always wanted to have a significant part of building it. I’m sure this is no different than the dream you and mom had.

The second, and more significant problem is that there is only 1 house really within walking distance of Dorothy’s and your place. If our retirement home is far away then we won’t see everyone anywhere near as often. How often does Jerry stop by compared with Scott King or Dorothy? If you have to get in the car to visit then you don’t visit unless there is a reason. I prefer to see family as often as possible. I want to share a garden up there and be able to work in it for 30 minutes before dinner. I want to have a few animals similar to Jerry and have them in sight of my house. I want to throw some steaks on the grill and just holler down to siblings to see who wants to join me.

I know that having the land undeveloped is your dream scenario, and a nice one. But I think that having several of your children who get along so well, living side by side is one of the best uses of the property and a legacy you will always be remembered by.