She’s Not There

[Friday Night]

I wish I had something fascinating to tell you all. I miss my old diary, where I had readers eating out of the palm of my hand with my gripping and fascinating entries. Okay, so maybe memory has glorified it somewhat, but I do remember my old diary being a lot more interesting than this one. Sad to say, it’s probably just because my old life was more interesting than this one. That’s a worry in itself.

First of all, some followup from my previous entry. I never did call that girl back. I’m not much of a phone person at the best of times, but the idea of spending another hour listening to her talk about herself just never appealed to me. Maybe she’d do better next time, but I never gave her that chance. To be honest, it’s more because of my own shortcomings than because of what she did. I mean, I’m dull, I’m fat, I’m broke, I don’t drive, I’m lousy in bed – I really have nothing to offer a woman at this point in my life. Even if she were an angel of a person, what right do I have to pursue something like that with her? Apparently she doesn’t drive either – how would I even see her if I wanted to? Any potential for a relationship there was doomed before it even started. To be honest, I shouldn’t have even called her to begin with. It would have only served to prompt something which can’t be at this point in my life. So I’m sorry, Random Girl, but you can do better than me right now and you probably should do so.

My attempts at quitting smoking on Wednesdays was a total failure. I lasted an hour and a half before I was groping for a cigarette. Yes, ninety minutes into my day I called my housemate, who was quitting with me, and asked if I could break the alliance and have a smoke. She told me she already had, so I took that as a green light to do likewise, and I smoked six cigs before she got home. Serves me right for trying to go cold turkey while there were still cigarettes in the house. Next time I need to make sure there’s none around to lead me into temptation. Also, maybe pick a stronger quitting buddy. It doesn’t help when the person you’re trying to quit with is twice as weak as you are.

[Saturday Afternoon]

I got drunk last night. There’s a big surprise for you all. I plan on getting drunk again tonight, another heart-stopping shock for you. Problem is, I can’t sleep when I’m drunk. If I don’t sober up before I go to bed, I face a very long night of tossing and turning in bed without rest. That’s what happened to me last night, when I went to bed after starting writing this. I maybe snagged an hour or two here and there all up for the whole night and day. And yet, I’m doing to do it all over again tonight. Silly me. The things we do for a little fun. I’m thinking we go a little easier on the tequila shots tonight though. Last night my buddy and I had ten each and we got drunk a little prematurely. The night was still very young when he dropped me home. Tonight I think we’ll spread it out a bit, maybe watch a movie or something rather than just getting smashed and then going home.

Anyhow, all in all, I have no thrilling news for you. Frankly, I’m surprised you’re still reading this. My life consists of smoking and watching countless downloaded TV episodes…

[Sunday Afternoon]

Oh MAN did I get drunk last night. Oh god. I threw up in my buddy’s car on the way home. Threw up on myself a bit whilst smoking a cigarette on my front porch. Had a three hour shower, during which I ate my dinner in the shower and smoked three cigarettes in the shower. That part was a novelty. But the puking, no, that was very bad. I think I’m gonna lay off the sauce for a little while now…

I’m gonna go watch some Stargate SG-1… peace out kids.