Not The Next Entry

At the risk of making myself seem like less than a man of my word, it should be noted for the record, that this is not to be considered, for all official purposes, the "next" entry in which I promised to post whatever you collectively asked me to. It could have been, but much to my chagrin, those few who actually picked an option, picked predominantly for me to take and post a photo of myself, and unfortunately, that takes significantly more effort than any of the other options I offered. Anything else I could just sit down and type up for you, but a photo requires a lengthy bothersome process including being presentable for a photo (nobody wants to see me sitting around in my boxer shorts, trust me!), having my camera ready, posing for a photo, taking a photo, sizing the photo down to a suitable web viewable filesize, uploading the photo, writing the entry and embedding the photo. Yeah, and it’s still easier said than done.

So, please pretend this isn’t in fact the next entry, simply another random entry, because it’s late and I’m tired and just wanted to say a few things while they’re fresh in my mind, without stuffing around with all the above hassles. I assure you, I’ll get to that later. =)

First, if not foremost, it was my birthday this past Saturday. Yay me. To be honest, I don’t really believe in birthdays, I don’t quite feel that your age being exactly a multiple of years from your birth instead of an odd number of months, weeks and days, is much cause for festivity. But at the least, I’m impressed I survived for another year. When I was fifteen or so, I would have told you I’d never live to be this age. So as old and decrepid as I sometimes feel, it’s still a fairly impressive achievement to have made it this far considering some of the things I’ve been through in my life!

But onto more significant things…

Dear reader, I am a changed man. I have seen the light, I have found my calling, I have known god and it’s name is melatonin. Yes, I tell you now, I am a happier, healthier man today than I have been in at least three years, and all because I have slept like an angel every day for a week. This may not sound like a huge achievement for the average person, but I want you to bear in mind, we are talking about a guy who hasn’t had a good, solid, restful, full night’s sleep in at best, three years, and at worst, ten years. Can you even begin to imagine what it might feel like to have not slept soundly in a decade? No, I doubt you can. For some of you, that’s half or more of your entire lifespan.

But I digress. The point is, on the miracle that is melatonin supplements, I have slept the sleep of the righteous for seven straight nights, and I am a changed man. I’m afraid that to those of you who have only known me for a few weeks to a few months, one entry of words couldn’t even begin to describe the sheer degree of change this has wrought in me. I think you would have to have been with me for a larger part of my journey, to have read dozens over dozens of entries in which I whine about the dull water torture of my existence, to truly be able to appreciate this improvement. But suffice to say, I feel like a man waking up out of a coma. I feel like I haven’t really been awake in as long as I can remember, and suddenly I’m in full control of my faculties again and really wondering what’s happened with a large chunk of my life recently. I have actually indeed been asking friends and family this week, "Where have I been lately? What have I done? Did I not seem weird to you??", because it feels like an unreality to me. I feel like the last three years at least have been a dream I made up and I’m just now coming back to my reality.

With this newfound wakefulness, all the odd setbacks of life I’ve been whining about lately have just fallen away like the sweaty clothes of a cheap hooker on Christmas Eve. Suddenly food tastes good again, sunlight doesn’t hurt me anymore, fresh air feels nice in my lungs. Even my sex drive is back in full force. Not least of all, was this most surprising of revelations:

I actually got drunk tonight.

Does this mean anything to any of you? Can you understand what it means to me, who began developing an intolerance to alcohol about three years ago, and suddenly couldn’t even get a slight buzz on without feeling wretched and nauseous first? I know a lot of you young people probably get drunk at least every weekend, you’re quite used to prancing around the home of some stranger with a lampshade on your head and carrotty chunks on your shirt. Hell, some of you are probably drunk right now! =P But for me, this is like getting oral sex from Jesus. I’m sorry, but I’m just absolutely over the fucking moon. Without any hope or expectation whatsoever, I had a couple of bourbon and colas at a poker game tonight. Halfway through my second drink, I realized I was quite tipsy, and moreover, not even slightly nauseous. This realization made me so happy that I nearly had an accident in my pants. Really, damn, words can’t express what a beautiful gift this was to me. Like, wow, man…

So, anyways… things are looking up. Hell, for a cynical old bastard, I am downright chipper*. I haven’t felt this good since long before I re-opened this new OpenDiary. This is a me you haven’t met. I hope you like me as much or more than you liked him (the other me =P).

( * To all you young hooligans who are far too into your rapping music and your reality televisions to understand my old man terminology, this roughly translates to "I’m all shizzy in mah nizzy, yo!", or something like that. You’ll have to excuse my cross-generational linguistics. =P)

On a slighty more sombre note, my first real Sim died last night. Yeah. With my renewed interest in life, I’m starting to play old games that I found myself suffering a short attention span with in the past, and I’ve been getting right into The Sims 2 for the first serious time since I bought the game many years ago. I’ve fooled around with it in the past, and I’ve had temporary irrelevant Sims die (often by my hand, into a carnivorous plant or "accidentally" set on fire), but this is the first time that a Sim I’ve lovingly created by hand and played out the course of his life, has actually grown old and passed on. I guess you have to be a heavy Sims player to even remotely get how this means anything at all, but heh, it was sort of a moment in my gaming life, for me. =)

Anyhow. I really just wanted to share this with the world. Sometimes it’s nice to use the internet for good instead of evil. =P For now, I’m going to go get some more food, and play a little more Sims before bed. It’s nice to actually be able to enjoy these little things in life again.

Next stop for me now – getting laid, eh? Can I get an Amen? Can I hear a Hallelujiah? Praise the Lord. =D