God help me, it begins again…

So, I toyed for a while with the idea of using a brand new pseudonym when starting this journal… something unlike any alias I’ve used online before, something that couldn’t be tied to any of my other online projects, past journals, forum accounts, or what have you… I think the deciding factor was when I saw this name was available – had it not been, I might have gone with something completely unrelated, which may have dictated an entirely different course for this entire journal. But the novelty of the availability of "Venomous" was too tempting. And thus the saga goes on…

Yes, I’ve been Venomous here before. Admist much turmoil and frustration, I cancelled that account in March of 2002. In January of 2003, when the dust had settled, I returned as "Revenge of Venomous", and that account lasted for a grand total of six whole posts before the novelty died. In April that year, with nothing but contempt for OpenDiary and the way it was being managed (or mismanaged!) at the time, I switched to LiveJournal under another one of my common pseudonyms, and persisted with that doggedly but for the most part, disinterestedly, until finally deleting that account in April 2006 – though in fairness, it had been dead for years before that, with a total of one post in 2006, and one in 2005, the journal really died in mid-2004 when I grew tired of the insular nature of LiveJournal. It was only ever read by people I knew and socialized with in real life, and rarely commented on even by them. Those who recall my original OpenDiary know that I can’t write unless I know I’m being read. I never saw the point in keeping an online journal otherwise – without the feedback of others, these posts would all just be thoughts, and hardly worthy of the effort to commit to text…

And now, this cycle that I fervently try to deny myself begins again… a few years have gone by, and the solitude and loneliness that I stubbornly insist I thrive upon is starting to become a buzzing in my brain, and I have a burning urge to be noticed by the world again. So, like a caterpillar cursed with a cosmic joke of non-catharsis, I emerge from my several years of social hibernation, only to find that I am still essentially the same creature I was when it began, and the same I was on the previous cycle, and the one before that.

I only hope that once every few entries or so here, I am read by somebody who cares enough to say "Hi, I’m here, and I read this. My day was somewhat altered by the inclusion of your thoughts!". If I can get just that much attention, I can weather this next early-life crisis of mine with relatively little damage done… =)