Gloom, Doom, and something else.

The rain it started tapping on the window in my head/There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it/And to my surprise my eyes were wide, and already open… -Bright Eyes

It’s a typical, rainy, dreary, grey day in Pittsburgh, and the weather is infectious. Everyone that came into the bakery today seemed to be a key lower, a bit mopey if you will. It didn’t help that our morning was a series of obstacles that had us set back about 45 minutes by the time we had been there for an hour, so we worker bees were miserable as well. Now I’m just lazing about with Tim; he’s napping peacefully whilst I bitch, moan and complain to the unfeeling, disinterested internet. Somehow, just being around him takes the edge off the frazzled. He’s the first person that I’ve been with that can keep me from brooding about shit like a bad day at work or a stressful… well, anything insignificant. One look into his eyes, and I feel reassured that it doesn’t matter. Not only that, but I’m unwilling and unable to stay in a bad mood over the little things that would normally bring me down, or at least result in hours of angry ranting.

It’s a strange place for me to be. Normally I want to change myself to be better for the guy I’m with. This time, all I want to do is be a better me. I don’t try to change the way I feel about the bad situations; I just let the minor stressors, the things that won’t matter in a week, roll off my back. I was never able to do that before, but now… it comes naturally. It’s hard to tell if it’s at all due to his influence. I underwent a metamorphosis last year that led me to this, but it’s strange to be in a relationship after having experienced the changes that I have. I’m finally in a place to be in a healthy relationship, to be mature and truly sharing. I’ve come to understand perfect love and perfect trust, and this is my first endeavor to incorporate them into an intimate relationship as opposed to a friendship. but I still never met anyone who made me realize how meaningless most of the bullshit of the daily grind really should and can be.

I think I’m going to try to get my nap on as well. It would be a nice transition from work into the rest of my day. Plus, the rain is the perfect white noise to lull me to sleep; it dulls all the harshness of the city soundscape, turning the grey sky into the aural, into the aura, into the world itself…