these eyes

here is the empty
here is the lost

i am the nothing of which it costs.. holding on to the loneliness comsuming the end. knowing a beginning within an absence, knowing a need within a heart. it can be the world lost to a new start. it can be an ending creating the new beginning. i am your undying need, your lust for a meaning, your lost acceptance for a creation of lost deception.

i can hold on to your heart, feel each beat like a cannon piercing flesh,  pushing onward, destroying the creation, the tribulations, the endings, looking foward to a reflection becoming the beginning, of a lost myth. we hold on to the world through false holps. through false memerories, through lost beginnings.

the heart, it races, consumes, devours the need to be human, to be loved, to be needed, the heart, it beats without question as it knows only the pulse within itself. the world begs of destruction, begs to be let go, needs to bleed away its weary heart ache. one with her is like one with oblivion, one without hope, one without an ending of meaning. she wants to have a meaning, she wants to hold on to your heart as it beats within her hands, she wants to know the world as the meaning to your end.

she will be the world of hope and faith, the world holding on to the belief, the one always knowing that love will conquer all….love will be the beginning and it will cause the end.
the end of everything, the end of all things that mean something more. and the greed, it over takes, it invades our thoughts, it consumes our world, it becomes the person we want to be. greed.

and the envy is lost to thoughts of better and greatness, but you are only great if you can touch one life and know your intrusion has caused a great enduring change. a change of character, a change of thought, a change of being__________a change which becomes the present and holds on to your heart, your thoughts, your being, and becomes one part of many of your being. not many if any have found this….and held on to it……or realized it before it was gone.

we are gone and i wish you wouldn’t call and i wish i could hear your voice everyday holding on to whatever it was you thought us to be. we were beautiful but you could not see, only hear those words of all the others, and you broke me.

you broke me in no way any other ever can.

as my heart shattered you didn’t try to even stop me, you didn’t try to comfort me, you simply held fast to the arms of another like it were the dying end of the world, the last breath it should expire, and the breath only escaped my lips, tainted my world, destroyed my faith, my world, my belief, as i denied everything for you and you alone,

why bother with me still? why call and intrude into this life you care nothing about other than the guilt that you might have pushed me to a point of the gun to my head and the trigger easily pulled,,,,,but i could not, would not, and shall not ever give you that, you speak of wrongs, betrayals, deceit pushed over you again and again, but i loved you like no other will ever. i gave up a world of trust and faith and belief all for you because i believed in the feeling within myself, and had it squashed before my eyes. you hated me, despised me, loathed the touch that penetrated your soul. i am evil in your eyes, evil in your heart, evil in your mind, but the evilness is something you hold within yourself afraid to believe, afraid to let go, afraid to teach me all the things i did  not know for you, the evilness is you took an innocent fragile heart so in love and desperate to hold you and crushed it in the blink of an eye. you crushed my hope, my faith, my dreams, my resistance, to continuous, all with one swift motion, and then looked upon a failing heart and let it flutter for the last time. you destroyed my world with no effort as you simply repeated every step you have ever taken with another. you become the destroyer of lives, faith, hope, and enduring belief that people deserved a chance to prove they can rise above the slum they have suffocated within.

how does it feel to know you have destroyed an innocent love, a true love, a person who needed you like no other possibly ever will for anything other than your pretty face and intoxicating scent. and how does it feel to use the bodies of those to feel  something if anything within yourself even if it is a lie.

hate me is all i beg of you. forget me. give peace to an aching heart which still beats your name even after years have passed. or dig the blade in deep and sever the tie that binds my life to this world. give me peace to sleep soundly forever never waking to the scent of your flesh lingering from my dreams, let me fall away into the abyss and know nothing of love, and hurt, betrayal, or anguish. because i cannot be myself, i cannot be anything without your invasion into my life, and if it is not constant, enduring, withstanding, my heart shall break forever, and it is lost to a million shards, needing a ghost, who never really existed in my life.

you cannot lie, and say that because i could not say those words, when i gave you these which meant much more, that i did not love you. i adored you, i cherished the night as you slept and i watched, i believed in love, and i thought i knew……you loved me the same…….but i was a moment fleeting in your life, drowning in your presence, lost without you, and my passion suffocated in the doubt as i saw it reflecting from your eyes.

but i love you all the same, still, here and now, but i cannot become your world, and i will not become your nothing. i love you still and that bird has flown away. but i cannot understand your voice on the line, through the phone, teasing me so, deceiving my lost, because you are gone, you were gone before i ever met you. we just never realized it