the last wish of my genie, before it soars free

she is broken, devoid, unsure of the words trailing within her mind, what could it all mean, and how do you find the answers if you are afraid of the question.

i cannot reach out to that corner i once found myself with you. i betrayed dear adam for you, i lost him for you, and time and time again i only wish i had had one chance to love him as i adored you. my thoughts are plagued in passing of you, the touch of your hands, the taste of your flesh, the way the world tumbled away right at the climax, i loved every moment of our entangled bodies our entangled minds

i believed i was your muse, spinning the axis of your love, driven by passion, enducing word upon word. i felt the things you wrote, i loved the way the pen looked locked to every page, a piece of you all of you. somewhere in between our afterglow burned out as our star came crashing to earth, ripping through my flesh as my world tumbled in upon my life. i was suffucating, feeling the end as the swift hand of fate, and yet still her e i find you still lost within my life  breathing burning bright.

my north star i can never reach

i have lost who i am as i struggle through each day grasping at the moment as i want to believe i wasn’t  only a story in your book, an image to create. the love courses inside, and it only leaves a burning pain where ashes litter the sidewalk from the book you burned away. i hold on to the keychain and every letter here remains, that person of who you were embraced on every page. and i read those words to myself, feeling for a meaning, wondering how it all got lost, and was simply thrown aside. if i was your love, the only one i knew how to portray, then my innocence was lost quickly ripped away.

i am jack’s broken heart
disheartened on this day

as the flames still beckon, calling me to their smoldering embers, i feel the stinging in my eyes as simply as they echo your name. broken hearted and somewhat angry you dared not even mention my name, and as your legacy begins silently searching, i somehow believed i helped you to that empyrean wasteland…

but it seems it is no different than the day i walked across that stage, i had made it into the real world, a scared and frightened little girl reaching for a hand you never outstretched or even pretended to hear my name. and it could make you the same, a pattern repeating, tainting the universe with each step walking away. one could almost imagine how or why an image still clings to these pages, how maybe i was the only one who would love you as only youhe would have loved me in that very same way and i would have known the happiness written in the stories when the knight comes galloping upon his horse to sweep me away. but maybe he was too slow to mention, too afraid to love me, too afraid to need me, in this way. and here  i think you’re lost without me, incomplete somehow because you’re missing the meaning within the sheets where we played.

my heartbeats rapid, ripping at my chest, knowing freedom was in your touch, feeling the world between our bodies as we became the universe. the thoughts still plague me, she said, your passion just isn’t enough. though satisfaction was never truely found as you tried for me, starting my tumbling spiral that you had lost between my thighs. as you had given up, never bothering to master the art or to teach me how to be your passion because i was still a child holding on to faith and dreams and innocence hoping you could sing my lullabye and hold on to my dreams. but there is nothing there within something about the author as she kept living her charade.

and now i wish you still hurt me, still pushed the dagger inside, still ran your fingers through my hair saying sorry i’ll not do it again

til the next time i felt the piercing, burning as a stinging formed behind my eyes,

 i knew you could never love me but i hoped that somehow i could teach you that love is still there and not just lost to a past locked within your parents who wronged upon wrong until all your faith was gone. i loved you, i needed you, 

and you followed their footsteps left in the sand leading you away

you cannot outrun yourself
but old habits are hard to break