since i don’t have you

it’s been quite sometime since the death of my cousin and still hours of memories wonder in my head. he was a mere year older than me and he was the light at every venue always gaining all the focus of a room. because you see he never demanded it, never asked for it, and only took everything as exactly what it was. he was one of the most true individuals i have ever met. he was my best friend in the entire universe and no other can dare take his place. so it’s been hard without him, because once before i saw him every day. the nights i stayed up way too late when the morning came way too soon, he was there keeping my up til i passed out. some of my craziest and most fond memories, actually most of my memories, have him there knee deep in the same shit i was in.  people say you have to move on because he’s gone, and all i can think is he will never be gone. he’s in my thoughts, in my actions, and in my heart. i know he was pulled from our world too soon, and for reasons and consequences i may never know or understand…but i suppose there are worse things to never know. it’s simple – one day i know i will run neck and neck down the streets of old childhood places, memories come and gone, and avenues still uncharted with the best man i have ever known. it still hurts, cuts deep to the core, the pain always planning a new attack, unguarded and unchecked some where on the inside. i miss him more than words can say but here’s what words can say

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