once

i could have been the one for you if only you could have seen. inside i know you felt it that the heavens came alive with the thought of me how the world stopped when i looked at you. you told me i held back too much and you didn’t understand why. i loved you and had never loved before a new emotion a new monster. i think you were just afraid that others would know when you looked at me that they would smell the thoughts of sex upon your flesh as if i had just been there feasting upon sweat glistening on skin. you thought it was all going to be too hard to be just you just me. that’s what we were. we were in love clinging to one another into the night as our bodies were entangled and our hearts beating in unison. you slept so soundly and i slept none at all. i was all too amazed in the simple image of you asleep somewhere totally different than the world from in which i peered. i loved you so much i loved you too much that it was sin. i wanted to be greedy, i wanted you to want me to need me, i knew you wanted me even that you still do, i could fall into our old routine. obsessed and defying, tracing the drain as i chased a shooting star i’m doomed to never catch.  i only wish i really knew the truth but you thought if i had to ask… i gave up without a fight when i didn’t even know that a battle had ensued or even that i could win. you were my epiphany my guiding light if you will…. whoever would have thought how the places we’ve touched those in which we’ve truly been would have been imaginery all this time.

i dreamt of you when i did not dream.something so much different than just a dream.almost real as the touch real as the breath heavy on the neck real as the lips locked in a neverending kiss.but it was just that the end of something that had never began.we were lost in the other side mimicing the behavior of those we watched learning how cognitive thought was infact something we possessed.i would have bet my life we could have made it.and it’s true that maybe love just isn’t enough.we want it to be know it can be feel it within every step we take hurt it with every action we fake.the lines bleed together one facade one lie upon another until the whole thing is threadbare.pick up the pieces don’t forfeit hope unless love is never there.you were my world.you were my dream.you were my heart with each beat.you were the knife which killed the real me.the real innocent me.i believed in love.once.i believed in you.once.once i could believe in almost anything.once.

you were my drunken escapade then you told me you loved me. i wrote words upon words for you pouring my soul to paper from my fingertips. i bent my beliefs to be able to love you. but i loved all before i knew. i loved you before i knew it was possible. i loved you in the only way you had ever wanted to be loved. i loved you.once