demolition contract

how i love to read the entries of the past i have written….i see the words, play through all the meanings how each word plays off another and in the end some really tangible emotion had been thrown across the page and i can almost believe i could be a writer….i almost know it’s the one thing i could do. it’s hard to write, hard to find that state of mind unnerving, faltering, deceiving and consuming as the pain i nurse silently within my heart. when the passion pushes forward and my thoughts lose the belief in faith and reasoning, when my reality runs the marry go round of those forlorn emotions left souring in my heart. i can hold on to these things, bleed words of hope, of need for some other understanding, wanting only to know that my world is real and my heart will heal….and all these thoughts run back to you. the you i never really knew, the you whose heart was cold and battered. the you who thought just because your world had been shattered that you had to shatter mine. sometimes i simply wonder was it love which grew within my heart, was it something i just wanted to pretend to be, was is something you took from me….because whatever it was you loved in me i have lost i forget i refuse to see. i could have been something someone but instead i wanted you loved you needed you lost you.

she longs for the knowing the need the fire coursing within her thoughts the hands a soft caress lips as sweet as honey her heart bleeds fluids of rushing red wicked hearts sinning behind broken thoughts you are the one she is no lover of pain no beacon of hope flooding the sky of esctasy within thoughts of deranged meanings in those hearts which love and really claim to hate as emotions are only the metemorphosis of things one would want or need or desire until it is proved a worthy cause of which one shall never attain meanings become twisted words are lost and thoughts are subjected to the brutal understanding that sometimes the ones in which we hold so much faith are doomed to only fall away into stagnant nothingness quicksand devouring torrential rains washing away the filth still corrupting youth and the future is as far away as ever forever a sad lullabye tainting our hearts and minds until one day the story is complete and the horse galloping past holds the heart of the one who takes away all the pain absorbs the blows from those which mame embraces her nothingness as everything one day her loneliness will be someone elses treasures locked inside a heart pulsing steady and constant something more than a joy for her rocks to get off and their worlds will become a journey together the story shall ensue something more than craziness a thought that is merely you.