Getting what you want, part 4: Action!

Alright, you’ve done all the head work (for now!).

Now it’s time for some action. Which is good. I don’t believe you should sit there rubbing your lucky rock and hoping good things will happen while you do nothing to make them happen.

The important part of the head work is to know what you’re looking for. You want to clear out the bad past by talking with yourself about what didnt work, and why it didnt work, so that you wont keep ending up in that same bad situation.

And you want to acknowledge the good you’ve experienced, even in an otherwise not so great situation, because there’s a funny thing about acknowledging the good and feeling grateful for it: you attract similar good right to you. You don’t want to “throw out the baby with the bathwater” as they say. And sometimes, there really are good things tucked in there, and are worth finding. Like, heck, I rather liked making a decent wage for once! Or a quick and easy commute is great!

So here’s where you deal with real life action.

Let’s say you want a new job. Well, it’s not like you can walk up to the governor and say, “yo, mate! I’d like your job!”

So you have to take an honest look at your skills, experience, and potential. The good thing about job hunting is that it really forces you to take an honest stock of what is practical. You learn pretty quickly that you aren’t even going to get a reply if you apply for jobs you arent qualified for. Not too many employers are going to care that you think you’d be great at a managerial position if you have absolutely no experience or training, and you didnt get your high school diploma, either.

The good thing about work is that you have to work your way up. And work will force you into action. Real, practical action. So if you want a new job, think about this as a fabulous experience to teach you the practical information you need to learn how to attract things into your life.

So you look at your experience, education, training, all of that. Look at it really critically, see it how a hiring person would see you, and assess what you’re really capable of right now.

In my job hunting, I knew that the most likely way to get a job fast would be to look for nanny work. Why? Because I’ve paid my dues in the field, I’ve worked a long time with children, I’ve taken some child development courses, and I have fabulous references. I’m also fingerprinted, background checked, I keep my first aid and cpr certifications current, and I know what I’m talking about. I interview really well, and parents like me right off.

So, you might need to work to build up expertise and be hireable, you might need some education, and you might have to start at the beginning.

Since I want to expand into a profession, I’m looking at what skills and experience I need to start working at that kind of job, and I’m working on developing those skills and beefing up my resume to reflect that. Last week I went to a workshop on how to write grants. In my field, that’s really practical training, and it will look fabulous on my resume. I invited a friend who is looking for a job, and she came too, so she can put this on her resume. 🙂 It was free, and useful. Something I could actively do to demonstrate that I’ve got training and experience in the field.

No rubbing of that lucky rock will get you a law degree. You will still have to go through the steps to earn it.

Now if your dream is to find a new, wonderful partner, you’ll need to also be practical.

First, look at what you want, and make sure you fit that list, too. If you want someone honest, you actively start making sure you are honest in all your dealings, with every single person or organization you have contact with. If you want someone who looks good, you make sure you look good. Like attracts like is your new mantra.

Second, understand your target. It helped a whole lot that when I met K, I really understood men well. (my secret: the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” – it taught me a lot about men, and K was impressed with my understanding of guys, as well as my ability to know exactly what I want – he loved that about me).

Third, and you’ve probably heard this, but you’re going to need to be around people. You want to meet as many people as you possibly can. Go to friends’ parties to meet their friends, ask people if they know anyone wonderful, and most importantly, start finding clubs you can participate in.

I’ve heard that working with people, especially in volunteer work, you really get to know who they are. And it’s no small surprise that club officers often start dating each other. Working together so often, they start really getting to know each other, and it doesn’t hurt to be around those pheromones to let magic start working. It worked for K and me, we were both club officers, and I’ve had friends meet someone in exactly that way. Club members often started dating each other, but it seems the club officers always had the best luck at dating each other in the long run.

Now, what if you really haven’t dated much?

You can decide that what you want to do is date more people. In fact, I highly recommend it. But I’ll suggest that you set your goal to date more people and have fun and learn what really works for you by happy experiences. Because dating is tough, and it’s easy to have heartbreak when you’re “just dating.” So aim for happy experiences, and keep your eyes open to learn a lot.

I actually did this tip: if you want someone in your life, literally make room for them. Start clearing out clutter, and walk through your home and imagine a new person in there. Make sure there is room in your closets, on your couch, and in your home. Imagine that person coming to your home and feeling comfortable there. And make that possible. Get two bedside tables and two lamps that match or look like they belong together and put them on either side of the bed. Symbolically this says there is room for someone in your life.

I asked K later how he felt in my home: was it comfortable? did he feel like there was room for him? Yes, he did. He felt welcomed, there was room for him, and he felt comfortable there.

on the other side of the pendulum, I had a friend who was a serious hoarder. Her apartment was so packed with stuff that she had narrow paths to walk through her apartment from room to room. and stuff was piled up high everywhere else. She wanted a partner, but there was literally no room in her life for one.

Have you ever been dating someone and you went to their house and it was creepy and dirty? yeah. that’s super repellant. so make sure your home isnt creepy and dirty. make it clean and beautiful.

If you want a new home, start appreciating the home you’ve got. Find something nice about it, and say thank you. Somehow we get stuck when we just grumble about how much we hate something, and there’s something magical about feeling gratitude for the good things that work for you. then you’re ready to release the old when it’s time for the new.

But also start looking. sometimes looking at apartments for rent actually makes me really grateful for my home! I become more aware of how rare it is to have a beautiful home and I appreciate the view, the windows, the style of my home so much.

Lo