Getting what you want, part 3

Alright, let’s say you worked through part one, you’ve written out what didn’t work for you in your last situation, home, relationship, job, what have you. And most importantly, why it didnt work for you.

And you worked through part two, you wrote out what did work in the situation, home, relationship, job, etc. And also very importantly, why it worked for you.

Great.

Now what?

The next step is fun!

Start imagining what would be fabulous for you.

Let’s say you are looking for a new job, you’ve worked out your disgruntled past with the bad job, and also acknowledged what was nice about your last job, and now you want a much more fabulous job.

So start imagining what that looks like.

Here’s what I did: I imagined working for a new family where the parents were telling me how much they appreciated my work, and I was standing there smiling from ear to ear.

I could feel that smile while I just imagined it.

I also imagined that I was still getting paid well, and I imagined that it was a job with less stress, that it was easy for me to do. I imagined that it had fewer hours, and I was not exhausted at the end of my work day. I imagined that it paid well enough that I did not have to worry about money, and I imagined that I would also have more than the minimum amount of pay each week. I wanted to do more than just get by and pay the rent.

I played all this out like a movie in my head.

When I was imagining a partner to love, I imagined him in my home. Sometimes I would look around my apartment and imagine him sitting comfortably on my couch and feeling happy that he was there. I imagined us laughing together and I would find my real self smiling and glowing at this dream. I imagined him in my life and in my home, and I wanted him to feel comfortable there.

I imagined having fun with him, and played little movies in my head about that.

I wanted someone I could go on fancy dates with where we would dress up on occasion, so I imagined dressing up and going out, and smiling because I was so happy.

When I imagined a new home, I didn’t have a bath tub at my old apartment, so I would often imagine that my new home would have a beautiful old styled porcelain bath tub. I would think of bath tubs that I had really loved, and imagine having a bath tub like that.

You can borrow from the past in your imaginings, in fact, I highly recommend it.

When I started imagining a new job in my mind, I recalled old jobs where I was very happy, and I replayed scenes from those experiences, only this time with room for someone new that I did not know yet. I knew those good past experiences had worked out great for me, and that being appreciated, for example, had made me feel secure in my job and satisfied with my job, two goals I wanted for my new job, so I replayed those scenes and remembered those emotions.

Go with the emotion. Infuse your imaginary movies with a lot of emotion: joy, happiness, laughter, contentedness, peace, calm, whatever your emotional goal, imagine that scene with those emotions all through it. Imagine your face when you are feeling that emotion.

This doesn’t take much time, do it while you are washing the dishes, when you are drifting off to sleep (I especially recommend doing it at bedtime or right before a nap, infuse your sleep dreams to play these movies for you), when you are at a stoplight waiting for it to turn green.

And here’s what to do with envy.

If someone you know has what you want, instead of ranting to yourself about how it’s not fair, some people get all the breaks, you want that and why does this loser get it and you don’t, drop all those negative emotions. Don’t even waste your time on jealousy.

If someone you know has what you want, here’s what you tell yourself. That person has the dream job, dream partner, dream house as a SYMBOL to you that you can have what you want. They are there to remind you that it is possible, and that your dream is coming to you. That’s the other person’s dream, and it doesn’t take away from your dream. That’s just a way of seeing how it can work out for someone. You’ll have your own story, and your story will work out.

So yay for that other person, be truly happy that someone else is happy.

If that doesn’t come naturally to you, teach yourself that lesson. You can feel happy for others, and the more you do that, the happier you will be. Why waste your time being a grump about something that has nothing to do with your life?

So, play around with the movies in your head. Play around with what you tell yourself about your dreams. In fact, listen very closely to whatever your inner monologue tells you. If you start playing a vision of your dream, listen to what you tell yourself while that movie is playing. Because that might be revealing what you most need to heal.

Here’s what I mean. Imagine your goal is to have a wonderful partner who is loving and kind to you. So you start up a movie in your head and start trying to imagine someone who is nice to you, and then suddenly there’s like a voice over that says, “I’ll never find that, all guys are jerks, that’s what I’ve learned, didn’t I learn that with Tony? That guy was such a loser, look at all the awful things he did to me!” and before you know it, you’re replaying old memories of loser Tony doing awful things.

So if something like that happens, stop the movie. You are stuck, and your brain is asking you to answer that question.

What is the question?

The question is: do you really believe there are kind and nice men out there?

So you need to answer this question. It’s very important to answer this question.

Tell yourself something like this:

I may have met men who are not kind and nice, but I’m ready to meet men who are truly kind and nice, because being with someone kind will help me to thrive. I will be much happier with someone who is kind.

And if you happen to know a few kind men out there, then you give your brain some evidence that there are kind men.

John Smith is kind, I like watching him with my friend, he is the kindest husband I’ve ever seen. He pays attention to his wife and always does thoughtful things for her. I want someone kind like that.

And if you really want to heal this, look at yourself.

I am kind, I am thoughtful, I am nice to others. I treat all my friends and coworkers well. I want someone who will be kind to me like that.

If you look at yourself and you happen to see a total lack of kindness in your life, then you’re right. You won’t be able to attract someone who is kind into your life unless you are kind. So you’ve got some homework. You start Being like the person you want to attract into your life.

You start giving to others what you want to receive.

Now, this is a tricky one, because there are a lot of people who will see that giving line there and start giving too much. That is not what I mean. If you are giving too much it looks like this: you’re in debt and you’re handing out $300 gifts to people, then that isn’t being giving or kind, that’s coming from a huge place of lack in your life. People who give too much give way too much and bankrupt their lives. People who give the right amount take care of themselves FIRST, and give what they can afford to give. They give with a generous hear