wombshaperesolve

oh how i hope that wrenching ache in my lower abdomen to be constricting muscles disguarding of old flesh tissue. i couldnt possibly bare the thought – two heartbeats

it couldnt be hunger, i ate yesterday. maybe things are churning in there. i tend to be paranoid with regards to things developing internally. regenerating tissue, please let that be all.

i just keep remembering the cold table, and those metal objects, the bruises on my thighs, the woman pressing her fingers on either side of my flesh, telling me shes sorry. and everything should be okay. then the room with the bare walls. this woman said she knew of my emotions. it happened to her too. and she let it become meaningless and routine. she urged me not to let that happen. i was biting my tongue so hard to keep from crying. she fed me the death pill and a thick clear syrup. she hugged me and tried to reassure me that these things werent meant to happen to me, and she was sorry.

i was pryed at… to file a police report, but i couldnt get myself to ruin someone elses life, though mine was permanently altered.

but i have seen through it.

and i am okay with it now.