power OUT

so many things to say. but i know certain people read this, and some things … should not be known to just anyone.

so i dose you with the watered down mr. rodgers version of my life. and for that, im sorry. but im not at all.

i’ve grown inpatient for regenerative skin tissue. its going to be a while yet.

i havent heard a word from him in 4 days. part of me is curious as to "Why not?", but deep down i am more than grateful to have not heard anything. kind of … i suppose i dont want this to become routine. but then again i do. something about it doesnt seem RIGHT though, i just have yet to narrow down which aspect.

it is possible that aspect is fear. i fear i will come to like him, and i am not supposed to. im just not.

sex is sex is sex. no feelings. right?

im  too comfortable too soon. thus it is wrong.

 

goodness . . . i was up until 6 am watching sex and the city. back to back episodes on dvd. its like crack. worse even. everyone needs a little something to be hooked on i guess. its getting to the point where i was dreaming about being in a long car ride with a portable dvd player… watching the last half of the final season. this is bad. haha.

those dreams were ended quickly with a rapping at my door. ( yes i fell asleep in my living room). so i crawled up to the door, face covered in the previous nights makeup, and wearing an apparently see through slip, and opened up. i yawned and smiled as a short female and tall man seemed to be a little less than suprised with my appearance… "oh my, were you asleep? Im sorry , let me make this quick." " We’ll come back at a better time." i could see the man smiling at me while the woman was fumbling through a wallet of some sort to retrieve a pamphlet. she handed it to me, she was in such a hurry it seemed, to get off my porch. i thanked them both and stood there one eye opened, at eleven am. i already knew what was in the pamphlte before the woman even bothered to take it out, i knew what they were…. the man and woman that is. Jahovvas Witnesses. (forgive me for the spelling on that one). yet, still with my knowledge of what was inside this little folded piece of paper, adorned with men petting a lion, small children feeding bears, healthy plants, and everyone was smiling – i opened it. and i read it in its entirety.

i hope they come back, for i love to question people so far as religgion is concerned. i just love to listen to them justify their beliefs on .. a something somewhere, better and more meaningful, and their cookie cutter ways of making it there. all so interesting. i am not an athiest, but i am far from religious. call me agnostic if you will, but i am always eager to listen in.

i just want one thing . . .

oh no, wait…..

thats just about right.

 

 

 

 

 

my heart cant see that its a lie.

 

love.love