contentment

whats contentment?

i think i just liked having someone take that much time out of their "busy" day to come travel to see me.

to forcefeed me lies of their adoration for me. for my words, for my flesh.

and somehow finding that those ideas and compliments could have been forced? well it guts me deeper than i thought it could. having someone you finally let your gaurd down for tear you from the inside out and decieve you by acting upon the very thing they promised against  is the most painful experiance i have yet to let run through these veins. somehow a thought passes, almost everyday. and i get sick to my stomach, just the thought that i could have been so nieve. ME! being nieve, i am upset with myself for being so vain that i could let all these compliments eat up my scrutiny and intellect. i molded like playdoh at the drop of a few kind words.

the entire thing just makes me sick to my stomach. and everyday all i can do is know that:

HE WILL GET HIS. one way or another fate will rip every fiber from him. open his eyes.

what goes around comes around.

we shall see.

until then,

you will have to put up a pretty good fight to get behind this wall.

love.love