The soothing sounds of Rob Zombie

I left my Calculus exam pretty pissed off tonight. I really, really want a punching bag to come home to on nights like this. I know why I’m angry, and I just need something that won’t break my fists to vent on. My father and brother punch holes in walls when they’re mad. I have the urge to do the same thing and when I was younger I did hit things out of anger. But I only put one hole in the wall and broke one glass aquarium (no water, it served as a gerbil cage.) Since then I started hitting things that wouldn’t break, so I wouldn’t have to fix anything. My father taught us how to patch walls if we broke them. Okay, so I dented my first car a couple of times too (the interior driver’s door panel with a punch, and the curved part of the roof just above the door frame with my forehead) when my girlfriend at the time pushed my frustration level over the boiling point. I can’t even remember what that was all about, but she frustrated me quite often. I can only take so much figurative beating my head against a wall before I want to physically beat something. Not someone mind you. Even though I may say it, I never want to really hurt anyone for no good reason. I really can’t bring myself to fight in anything other than self defense, but I guess that means I may egg someone on into attacking me. Whatever, enough about violence. Listening to Rob Zombie on the way home settled me down some.

I’m frustrated because I’m behind in class because I can’t learn anything from that dolt. I can’t stay awake in class, so I tend to end up leaving early. That means I’m there for reviewing the homework I probably didn’t do, but I’m not there for the lecture. His lectures are nothing but putting the book up on the overhead projector and going through it page by page, step by step paraphrasing the text or sometimes just reading it outright. I always intend to read the book myself, but that rarely happens. I can’t focus on reading it in class because his lecture makes it hard to concentrate. When I get home, the schoolwork stays in the bag and I never get to it. I am getting to more of it on the bus now, but I just started riding the bus this week. So I haven’t really begun to fully benefit from that.

The morning workout’s going pretty well. I’m settling in to the routine slowly. I’ve adjusted to gym/locker room behavior, although I still don’t think it’s necessary for guys to walk around naked more than is necessary. Standing at the sink naked while shaving your face may be okay at home, but why would you want to do that in a gym locker room? Oh, and how about some personal space? If there are 7 showerheads, and someone is standing at one, don’t start using one immediately next to them unless it’s the only one free. If there are 6 choose from, choose one of the 5 that are not next to the one that’s in use. I think it’s great that everyone is that comfortable with themselves. All I ask for is a little modesty and politeness.

No worries, I’m okay. I just needed to vent a little. The world is much bigger than me.

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