Tech Support?

Programmers often adapt real world concepts to programming when such concepts make logical sense and improve code efficiency. Well, tonight I really wished I could reverse that a bit.

Tonight I got to try out my new Craftsman electric chainsaw on a large tree branch that fell last week in a windy thunderstorm. When I say large, I mean large – it was practically half the tree. It fell after being weakened by carpenter ants (of which I happened to find and kill the queen.) The first cut to sever the branch from the trunk popped the chain off. After I finally got that back on, I limbed it (not much to do there really.) I then proceeded to buck it according to the instruction booklet that came with a chainsaw. I’ve never operated a chainsaw before in my life, so this whole thing was a learning experience. (Call me superstitious or something, but I decided not to wear my “Got Blood?” t-shirt in case it turned out to be a really bad learning experience.) One chief lesson I learned from this is that chainsaws do not have tech support like computers do.

Half-way through bucking the branch the chain quit moving even though the motor still spun. It had plenty of bar and chain oil, but the damn thing just wouldn’t turn. It just sat their and whirred like a vacuum cleaner. I called the number for help only to find that all they offer is repair service. Well, I don’t know if it’s broken or if I’m doing something wrong yet, so how do I know if it is in need of repair? The troubleshooting in the book only handles one problem – the motor doesn’t start – and proceeds to tell you how to make sure it has power – i.e. it’s plugged in and the circuit breaker isn’t tripped. That’s it. Gee, that’s helpful.

The first time I called the 800 number I poked through the entirely voice-activated automated menu system. Some people may like saying words instead of pressing numbers, but I don’t. What really annoyed me was having to speak my phone number instead of just dialing it. I couldn’t find what I wanted in the menus and so, when prompted for my next menu choice, I calmly said, “go to hell,” but I hung up before it politely told me that it didn’t understand my command. I pondered my options for a minute and then called back intending to apologize to the system get connected with a repair center just to see if anyone knowledgeable would talk to me. No such luck. I got an operator type person to tell me the location and phone number of the nearest repair center, but they closed over an hour before. So I thanked her and ended the call.

I’m so baffled by the lack of tech support. I’m used to having tech support for everything. That’s the part of the computing industry that I’d like to see more of in areas like this. It’s not like they’re making much money on me since it’s under warranty. I can go exchange it for another new $60 chainsaw for the $9 I paid for the warranty. How is that profitable for them? I went with the warranty because I knew those electric motors have a lot of torque and they use a lot of plastic parts. That combined with the job function of a chainsaw is a recipe for breakage. But I bought the electric one instead of gas for two reasons: 1) it’s quieter, and 2) it is less than half the price.

So that was my adventure for the day.