Remembering to be excited

I was just thinking about something that I don’t think I’ve brought up here before. If I have, well, then this is just a prime example of what I have to put up with every day – my memory playing the ol’ three card monte with anything I need to remember. I used to have a fantastic memory, have I mentioned that before? At one time I could remember the most minute details of everything I experienced and could recount an event with every detail months and years later. Now the odds of me remembering what color shirt I wore the day before are slim to none unless I hang all my shirts back up in the closet in the order I wore them. Then I have to remember where I started so I know what needs to be washed by the end of the week. It’s so sad! oh well..

Anyway, I was thinking about how I can’t get excited about anything. Any major events that usually involve intense anticipation – testing for a driver’s license, buying your first car, house, etc, applying for your first job, going to the first day of a new job, flying for the first time, etc. – don’t really have the same impact on me as they seem to with everyone else. I constantly have to remind myself when a particular event is going to happen because it doesn’t take over every other conscious thought. I don’t think about what’s going to happen before it’s going to happen. By the time whatever it is happens, I’m so inadequately prepared because I haven’t been thinking about it that my only thoughts are of trying to figure out if I’m doing what I’m supposed to or if I forgot anything. By the time the realization that this big thing has finally happened hits me, it’s over and there’s nothing to get excited about anymore. When I’m of enough presence of mind to know that I should be acting excited because someone is expecting me to, I don’t know how and I can’t act to save my life. It’s been a problem since long before I started having memory troubles.

I don’t really want to get all excited about stuff. I like having everything sort of on an even keel all the time, but it’s rather annoying when it’s expected of me.

Oh well, I’ll forget about it again in no time I’m sure. Maybe that’s how I’ve coped with job stress – if I can’t remember it, I only have one thing to worry about: whether or not I’m forgetting anything.

I almost forgot I included that link to LiveJournal up above – I was about go copy the entry to paste here at the bottom of this entry.