1/12/05

That’s one of my all-time favorite Calvin & Hobbes strips, so I had to share. In high school, I plastered one of my bedroom walls with comic strips I had cut out of the newspaper. Most of them were Calvin & Hobbes, and I didn’t actually attach them directly to the wall. I put them on large pieces of paper first. I think I still have those sheets filed away somewhere… maybe. I was sad to see Bill Watterson stop writing that comic, but I respect his idealism.

Anyway, that’s not what I intended to write about. Actually I didn’t intend to write anything today, but I wanted to share that comic after reading it this morning. I came up with the idea to write about something else later on. Coincidentally it’s actually related to the comic, because I’m going to begin working on my speech/presentational skills (or lack thereof.) I met with my boss last Friday to discuss my job. We’re about to have our annual reviews, but this needed to be outside routine. I’m sure the fact that I initiated it must have been a nice clear signal to my boss that I certainly do care about my job and my career and I finally want to do more than sit back and let the world come to me. Nothing more can happen that way. I’ve gotten all I can get that way and I can’t believe I’ve gone this long thinking that I have to just wait and see if my work is recognized. Hell no. I have to work on getting myself recognized because, although my work often does speak for itself, that’s not enough. People who aren’t either in techinical support or in programming can’t really appreciate my work if I don’t show them how or why. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not going to turn into someone trying to sell something for what it’s not. The fact is, no matter where you look today, programmers can’t just live in little closets any more. You have to have people skills and presentational skills. We have to do our own marketing, and that’s always scared the shit out of me. I am terribly nervous speaking to more than one person at a time. The more people you add to my audience the worse I get. One time in a team building exercise, I was forced to prepare a speech on something that has made me who I am today in about 5 or 10 minutes. First, I can’t speak well when I’m prepared, let alone when I’m unprepared and about something personal. I got through it, but not without breaking down and crying in front of the 20 or so people I worked with at the time. I didn’t cry out of fear, but the anxiety brought out more emotion from the topic than I had ever felt for it. That’s another story for another time maybe.

The point is that I went to a meeting of a local chapter of Toastmasters today. The company will pay if I join and they meet every week in the building, so it’s a really convenient way for me to build my speaking skills. There are people I know there who can help me get started too. I need to do it not just because my boss has made it pretty clear that it’s the last thing (aside from a degree) that’s holding me back, but also because I recognize that I need to do it for myself. I have to conquer my stage fright – one of my last fears. I’m not going to turn into a steal-the-spot-light-blabbermouth, but when I do have something to say, I want to be able to say it. I’ll still be the quiet guy, but I want to be the well-spoken quiet guy. That’s all.

By the way, he said he’s going to talk to his boss about her remarks to me regarding my hours the other day. He wasn’t too happy with her about that. I think he sees it as meddling in his managerial affairs. Those two can’t stand each other.

I have to go expel some boogers now. I’m just getting over a cold.